Saturday, February 27, 2010
voices in my head...
While talking with a couple of women last night and discussing our babies…I kept wanting to say to them….but my child was born with down syndrome! why did I want them to know this…it was funny because over and over in my head I kept yelling it at them…with everything we discussed from teeth to thrush to height, weight, and eating habits…I just kept yelling it at them…it was funny…to me…but it poses the question why did I do this…why did I think that it was so important…I did want to single my Maddie out…and not just let her fit in with the other babies…why am I making it a stigma for her and not just letting her be Maddie…these babies are potential friends for her and I wanted them to recognize that my Maddie was enhanced…enjoying the conversations in my head I also kept wondering what they were thinking…if they were saying not nice things in there heads about me or Maddie…I had my security blanket there…Chad….and that always makes me more comfortable…but I hate that I used to say things like… “oooh that is so sad” or “I am glad it is not me …this is where I lack confidence in the world of parenting a special needs child…at times I am still embarrassed and want to keep it a secret…that my baby is enhanced and not like most babies…I am sure with time this will change but still being a newbie this is the feeling that over comes me…I am very comfortable with people that know me and my family…but people I used to know or future people I will meet…I often wonder what they think…I can here people saying “ooh Kim” your just being sensitive…I am wondering if this is my enhanced “normal”…
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Haven't been on your blog for a while. Just catching up and the photo on your header is the most BEAUTIFUL thing ever. You must be so proud.
ReplyDeleteLove your honesty! It's been awhile since I went Blog surfing for others who are living this wondrous DS-enhanced life. I'm signing up. BTW - Even before some recognize it, I tell everyone about my kids' extra chromosome as a function of my Down syndrome education and advocacy efforts... you could say I'm in the process of creating their new normal... that children with DS are more like every other kid than not.
ReplyDeleteI remember how I felt compelled to tell people that Gabriel has Down syndrome during that first year. I couldn't see it in his facial features until about his fourth month. And yet if I didn't say something to anyone making a fuss over him, I felt like I wasn't being honest.
ReplyDeleteWeird. I know. But now that people recognize that Gabriel has Down syndrome, I feel at ease.
There will always be a part of me wondering what other people are thinking but mostly I can get on with what I'm doing without much worry anymore. That took me a long time.
MaggieMae made good points. It is our opportunity to show that children with Ds are more like every other child than not. We all have our own way to get to that comfort level, I think, but we do get there. :)
i feel the need to let people know. i'm not sure why either. before people have a chance to have pity in their voices i let them know that it's okay and it's not as bad as they may think it is, and that he's just like my other babies were so far. because he is, except that i know what to look out for with him, and am completely clueless for them.
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