me a parent!

to be a parent…I am not sure if I ever really thought about it…before my 30s…then something happened and I new I wanted to be a mom…I had great parents…of course there were things I would change…but not much…I always knew I was loved…I always knew I was special…and I really did not think much more about life…then life happened my mom passed…my dad and brother did the best they could raising me…and know I am a parent…I am not sure how I am doing…I am sure I will not know until later in life…I watch Chad and how he interacts with the kids and it is amazing…I love to see how Max emulates Chad’s every move…today he was sitting on the couch just like Chad…it made me smile…I often wonder if Maddie will try to be like me…that is a scary thought…and such a HUGE responsibility…I know I need to react to unsavory things with grace…for her…so she does not let the bad get to her to much...being a parent of a special needs child has not yet set in…I was watching a show on the discovery channel about this subject and I still could not relate…I do not see Maddox as different…I keep on thinking it will happen…I think I will see her delays…when her OT comes…she assures me that Maddie is right on where she would be if she was “normal”…I guess this life is becoming my “normal”…doctors do not scare me anymore…neither does diagnosis…in a year I have learned to accept the unexpected…