Friday, November 25, 2011

Finger Painting...

Maddie has been exploring her creative artistic side...and becoming a teacher...

let me show you...big guy!

Maddie does it this way...

What Mom red is my color!

so cute!

Friday, November 18, 2011

a little whine...

Maddie what color is the puppy? Maddie what color is the puppy? Maddie what color is the puppy? say purple…purple…purple…Maddie blank stare and then a side smile…have you ever heard Maddie speak a clear word in the 3 months you have known her? NOOOOOOO…I finally spoke up in front of everyone and said she cannot speak…it was not fun…I was not proud of it…but what am I suppose to do? Continue letting everyone wait, stare, and courtesy smile…then she added two new songs to tumbling…not a huge deal…but it is to Maddie…when the song started and we were not doing tummy rockers like we should have…well lets just say…Maddie in my lap sucking her thumb and twiddling my hair…Maddie’s response to anything that is different or changed up in her world…I knew maybe this day would come that Maddie would show signs of distress with change…but I did not know it would be so hard for me to watch…I felt like I could not help her cope or understand…we will continue going to tumbling…I know it is so good for her…I also am learning life skills I need to help Maddie…maybe I will get some tact…maybe some confidence in standing up for Maddie…I caught myself after this encounter jumping in to do things to fast for Maddie…the kids bring the carpet squares to the balance beam…most kids take a straight line and throw it down…Maddie has a particular spot she likes to put it and it has to be perfect…so again everybody is waiting on Maddie…when Maddie puts her puppy in the box after we are done… she has to pickup the box and put the box away…I think it is great…but sometimes I get the feeling others are sick of Maddie taking so much time…I am not sure how much to push Maddie…I am not sure how to encourage her…I say this because I do not get much of a response out of her…Maddie will respond to me for food…example…I ask good? more? and she will respond with a yes or no…but if it is a task…help me set the table? empty the dishwasher? Nothing…so I lead her to the dishwasher and she helps…I give her a plate and she throws it on the table…I love the pecs we are doing she can hand me a card and it tells me what she wants…and she has been signing more since the introduction of this program…but I cannot seem to ask her a simple question and get the response I am looking for…and one last thing…hearing her say Mom would be great!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

just a little thing...

trust...I am not sure when I lost trust in others and the world around me...but I have lost it...this does not mean I am not does not mean that I am thinking is just what it is...I no longer think things happen because that is the way it is suppose to be...I no longer trust that people are good and that they want the best for Maddie...and I certainly do not trust that in the end everything works out...I have just learned to adjust...the other day someone said to me...that "Maddie seems to understand what I say"...I thought what a dip! if this is how people think of people born with Ds how would I trust the world to respect my child...Maddie is a fully capable human...she has a uniquely wonderful look about her that gives the impression to question her existence for some ignorant soles...I often assume people are nice to us because Maddie was born with Down syndrome...I know she is cute but the reaction and attention from others is sometimes overwhelming...she is like a rock star when she walks into anywhere...girls follow her and hug her and adults just smile...this however I secretly love and hope it last forever and a day! I do not trust someone will stop Maddie from being abused by another human...after the Penn State seems like it may be to big of a task for some to speak up for others...however the trust I am struggling at the moment with is me not trusting Maddie...I am constantly hovering...constantly looking for choking hazards...and she is not happy about it...yesterday she yelled at me because I would not give her a rice krispie treat...I gave it to her as if to show her how she could not eat it...and I even said "here we go to Denver"...and she ate it no problem...teeth help...since then she has made it known what she can two days this is all the new things she has loved to try...taco, pickle, nutri grain bar, french fry, chicken nugget and a sucker...slowly I will have to trust Maddie...she is worth it and it really is not fair to her that her mom is so scared of her death I have put her in a safe choke free padded wall environment...and it is not doing her any good...I suppose I could take this as a learning opportunity...learn how to trust Maddie and maybe learn how to trust the world...

Friday, November 11, 2011

taking for granted is what I have done for to long...not understanding the importance of the little things...I believe this selfishness made me sad in a way about life...always looking for more and bigger...I did not find true peace...happiness is relative...peace is truly what I strive for...someone once told me if I can sit in silence that I was ok...he was correct...I again can sit in silence...I do not need anything filling the white noise and it is peace...since I love to do lists of is 21 small reasons I am thankful of my Maddie...
1. she can climbs and is naughty about it
2. she can eat a whole macaroni noodle
3. she can brush her teeth and spit
4. she can give me a pecs cards to tell me what she wants
5. she can wrestle as good as the boys
6. she can say "good"
7. she can chew and swallow
8. she tells me she is ready for nite nite
9. she smiles
10. she sighs and knows she is important
11. she give great kisses with licks
12. she wants to know more
13. she laughs
14. she loves to go anywhere
15. she loves her brother and Dad
16. she walks around knowing she owns this world
17. she is just cuddly when she is sick not whiney
18. she can take a shower by herself wash/rinse hair
19. she sweeps her hair out of her face and says "there"
20. she helps me set the table
21. she is just Maddie

Friday, November 4, 2011


Fine lines…teeter tottering…balancing…that is what I do when I am very apprehensive of questions and interactions in regards to Maddie’s development…tumbling is wonderful…Maddie is a joy to watch…she is growing so much from this experience…but I cringe every time the teacher asks her a question…not that I do not think she knows the answer…she clearly does…but she does not have the spoken words…not even close to a spoken word for her colors…the teacher will ask what color of puppy she wants to hold…Maddie just looks at her…the 1 year olds tellS the teacher in broken language but you hear the nuance to the word and get the color out of it…and it seems to be repetitive questions about colors…I get what she is trying to do…and I would not want to exclude Maddie from this…but it is just a obvious hurt to my selfish mojo…she also said that she was changing up the songs soon…Maddie has not even gotten the hang of the all moves for the beginner songs…I just wish we could stay on them till Maddie gets up and participates in the whole song with all the slick dance moves…she practices the moves all week…and just this week she did almost the whole teddy bear song with ALL the moves…and jumping…this is the next thing we will be doing in class…that is Maddie’s year goal…not 6 month goal…I know it is extra practice, therapy and she will surprise us all…she is trying so hard to jump…but I know the way milestones work…lots and lots of practice and then maybe it will happen…just because she is close does not mean the actual jump will be anytime soon…I forget that Maddie is considered delayed…I forget that she is not developmentally where a “normal” 2 ½ year old is…so when it is there staring at me it is hard not to get uncomfortable…I am not sad…I am not frustrated…I am just trying to be peaceful and mindful about it…I am trying to compare Maddie to yesterday not today…tumbling by far has been the best thing we could have done for Maddie…she loves it…I love it and it is something only we share…so I will figure out how to get over it…and just go with the flow…but sometimes this is easier said then done…

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Halloween Funnzooo...

Maddie and Max at the pumpkin patch


picture perfect

Maddie's normal!

my pumpkins

I eat everything!

Ewok and Pteradactyl


I can fly

wait for me!

I can do this!

let me out! I am read for some candy!
This year Maddie tricked and treated by herself...she walked to every door...she held her pumpkin...she helped everyone put the candy in her bucket...she amazed me...who would have thought that Halloween would be so great...Maddie is very independent...and knew exactly what to do...she climbed stairs...she smiled...she talked...she did it...this was another important milestone for Maddie...yeah for each year that my Maddie grows a bit, learns a bit, and eats a bit!