TO MUCH TALK

I cannot stand when someone says to me..."maybe you should talk with someone, like a counselor"...REALLY! picture it I am at the doctors office and there is an intern with my doctor...we are discussing ways to lower my blood pressure...choices medication, antianxeity medication, and life changes example; diet, exercise, red wine, stress level...so this is something I have been battling since Maddie was born...so 2 almost 3 years later I know I have to start taking a more proactive approach to my health...I changed my diet to the Meterarian Diet, a glass of red wine 3 times or so a week...I exercise daily...and then there is my stress level...his thought was breathing techniques...ok I can handle that I do need to work on it...but the interns comment talk with someone! I simply replied "why would I talk with someone who has no idea what I am going through...has never had a child with Ds, TEF, and societies ignorance" WHY! if I can find someone that has lived in my shoes in relation to a child with needs...then I would go...but if you got answers from a book and you hear it went well...no thanks! I get that I am a bit abrasive but I do not think doctors know much about everything...unless it is there area of concentration...it was clear she knew what she knew from a book...so nothing she says is worth my time...I know very "Kim" of me...but recommending me for counseling is just a phrase that makes me red...she then proceeded to say that "maybe things will get better...that maybe my stress level with my child may decrease"...I said that "her esophogas closes every couple of months and that is not going away....miracles are not happening here...and then I explained that Down syndrome is not going away it is something we will live with forever..and with that comes stress that I am not accustom to"...read my file or ask a question before you sound lazy for not reading up about me....its all there! and yes I am at peace with Down syndrome...but as Maddie changes so do my stressors...it is what it is...so I decided to take blood pressure medication, continue my healthy lifestyle change...and breath deep!

taking for granted is what I have done for to long...not understanding the importance of the little things...I believe this selfishness made me sad in a way about life...always looking for more and bigger...I did not find true peace...happiness is relative...peace is truly what I strive for...someone once told me if I can sit in silence that I was ok...he was correct...I again can sit in silence...I do not need anything filling the white noise and it is peace...since I love to do lists of 21...here is 21 small reasons I am thankful of my Maddie...
1. she can climbs and is naughty about it
2. she can eat a whole macaroni noodle
3. she can brush her teeth and spit
4. she can give me a pecs cards to tell me what she wants
5. she can wrestle as good as the boys
6. she can say "good"
7. she can chew and swallow
8. she tells me she is ready for nite nite
9. she smiles
10. she sighs and knows she is important
11. she give great kisses with licks
12. she wants to know more
13. she laughs
14. she loves to go anywhere
15. she loves her brother and Dad
16. she walks around knowing she owns this world
17. she is just cuddly when she is sick not whiney
18. she can take a shower by herself wash/rinse hair
19. she sweeps her hair out of her face and says "there"
20. she helps me set the table
21. she is just Maddie

Rainy Morning

It is 8 am and all my babies are sleeping! I am enjoying the quiet rainy morning... but I am very concerned I am not making good parental decisions..My 3 year old Maximus is in enrolled in summer preschool...but he is soooo tired and not to excited to go...he loves it once he gets there but not so much in this early morning..I can make every excuse for him not to go..he is tired, could be getting sick, wants to play with my childcare kids, thinks he is missing something at home...just not ready for school...got into trouble at school..the list can go on and on! so I let him sleep peaceful in his bed...My other baby Maddox is also sleeping sound with daddy...she is sleeping through the night...but those darn nasal cavities are just too small and she gets sooo stuffed up...I prop her up and she is good..Yes our kids sleep with us..it was not suppose to be this way but it happens!! I guess I should not worry about it if they are sleeping through the night and they are happy! I think!

Maddox's therapy rocked yesterday she is holding her head up on schedule and her leg muscles are incredible...I once had a guy tell me he would reproduce with me because of my great strong legs..I guess Maddox got my legs!! funny! lets just hope she got Chads butt!!

Tuesday

This is my first daily post...and feels a bit unnatural...I am sure I will get better as I go along! Today Maddox had her session with the OT Kelly. We get very excited about this and are videotaping it for the first time. She is 2 1/2 months old and I put pig tail in her hair! Very cute! Maximus is crazy and not being very nice today. He has decided not to go to school. I think we have tired him out and he needs a chill day. His friends are coming to play and we had a full house. Chad is throwing Maddox in the air and she is loving it! She is getting such a personality. Tonight I am going to the Farmers Market! I love the Farmers Market and I hope it is good with lots of veggies, and goodies.

***The Farmers Market rocked!! the peaches were yummy and fresh bread was ooohhh so good!