Tuesday, June 14, 2011

she has a name...

Hi my name is Kim and I am a recovering bigot and ignorant sole…once was the day I agreed abortion was a woman choice…sole choice…once was the day I feared different…once was the day I teased, laughed and ridiculed fellow humans…today I am just a mom and wife…gone are the days of fear, anxiety, and hatred of myself and others…gone is the bias that if not like me then not worthy of me…gone is the hope that others will change…but with that is a new day of eternal wonder and amazement of making the “right” choice…I was one of those women that had a choice…to abort  Maddie or not…yes my fetus had a name…my fetus was alive and she was kicking…as the doctor asked me to terminate and kill her…my Maddox Rose had a name and a face…with 4-D ultrasounds…I could already envision her loveliness… so if you are just finding us…and you are pregnant and having a child with Ds or you are a new mom and just got the diagnosis…and you have been searching for answers and other just like you…I was once you…scared, sad, and hopeless…full of what ifs and why is this happening to us…but as the years have gone on…things seem to have peeled off…the sadness, the constant nagging of what if my child never does this that or the other thing…sure I still have days that I am full of fatigue because of blood tests, the “r” word, a new diagnosis like thyroid, heart, eye glasses, sleep apnea, etc…the list can go on and on…but it just seems to be easier these days…I know what is expected of me…what is expected of Maddie…I have hope that she will become the best young lady that she wants and deserves to become…I do know for sure she will graduate and she will have earned it…I hope she will drive and be self reliant…but if not…we are ok with her living with us…my daughter is not a burden to me or to others…my Maddie is a superstar with traits of a superstar…she will make you smile…she will make you laugh…and she will be a productive part of our society…not because she was born with Down Syndrome…but because she is a human with good traits and a soft heart…yes I did the big no no I read comments to the pre natal testing for Ds…that was the wrong thing to do…it was sad and I cried but I also was able to push back and understand that you cannot fix stupid…and my Maddie has a powerful sense of who is good, who is fake, and who is worthy of her time…so take it for what it is worth…if you have the choice…learn about Down Syndrome before you terminate…because if you were like me…you only know stereo types not truth…and you cannot change or bend the truth…

10 comments:

  1. Very well said. Great post. I definitely don't read those comments...

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  2. thankyou ! love your line "you only know the sterotype not truth". You know I have had a rough weekend and what you have written has really touched me.
    viv

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  3. I loves this post! I have been following your blog and I know how hard it has been accepting Maddie's diagnose. But I am so excited you can see things in a different way now and share your journey with others. Maddie is so lucky for having you as her mom. Great Post!

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  4. Great post! I read those comments too...But for the first time ever I didn't cry. I was just amazed at the ignorance and cruelness, but I was able to hold it together and realize, like you said you cannot fix stupid!

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  5. This is a really great post...worded so perfectly. Our children with Down syndrome make the world a better place...make us better people. Stereotypes drive me crazy, and this new test makes me sad. That is all I am going to say about that...

    Thanks for writing from the heart. I loved reading this.

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  6. Thanks for your beautiful words of encouragement.

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  7. Man, I am sitting in a public waiting room while reading this. I have goosebumps and I am fighting tears! Although this is an inconvenient time to weep, I thank you for this beautiful post.

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  8. I was 37 when I had my son. I was offered the test for DS. I declined. I knew I would love him no matter what. Thank you for your post. Maddie is beautiful and so is her mother's heart.

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  9. Ignorance is there, and we can educate but I don't think it will ever go away. I was talking with my sister the other day about us having more kids and she asked if we would stop once we have 2, even though Darren really wants 3. I said I wasn't sure. She wanted to know if I was ok being pregnant after 35. I asked why, what's going to happen, that I'll have another baby like Claire? And it made her stop, because while she loves Claire to pieces, the ignorance and stereotypes are just so ingrained that they are hard to get away from.

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