Habits...

I remember with Max always thinking I was going to make something a habit…if I did it once! like rock him to sleep which became a habit and I hated it but now I miss it…you know I had laundry to do or pay bills  with Maddie I am not sure why but I let things slide more…even though when I found out she was going to be born with Down Syndrome…I thought we would not be able to sleep in the same bed…because I thought I would never break her of the habit…but of course she sleeps with me and I love it…I am sure she will be excited to be in her own room and her beautiful bed someday…but today she is my little princess and I know she is my last baby…so last night she was having a tough time breathing and a hard time with sleep in general…she threw up and was stuffy…just bad news all around…so I held her, cuddled her and petted her hairs and within seconds she was asleep…and she was so peaceful…I thought to myself then…oh no is this going to become a habit! then I realized if she becomes sick…which most likely she will I will hold her whenever…even if she is 30 years old…and I will cuddle her and I will pet her hairs….if that is what she needs…she will forever be the baby I hold in my arms…then I thought of who comforts me and Chad still holds me tight and pets my hair…when we received Maddie’s diagnosis…I curled up in my dads arms and he held me tight…the parents touch…how it cannot be replaced…I still yearn for my mom to brush the hair out of my eyes…