Saturday, October 30, 2010
fingers n toes
I remember there was a time that I would say… I just hope my baby has 10 fingers, 10 toes and healthy…so when Max was born…Chad said he counted them and he was perfect…I was so thankful…that Max was perfect and healthy…he of course grew into a 5 year old…perfect is gone! when Maddie was in her early stages of my womb…I remember saying that again…I will just be thankful if my baby has 10 fingers, 10 toes and healthy….then the news came that Maddie was going to be born with an extra chromosome and not so healthy…that saying faded and I did not repeat it again…it was no longer important…and it sounded just plain silly…what became important…was that she would live…not necessarily healthy…just live…to say I was naïve is a complete understatement…so today when I was reading and a person stated that they were thankful that there child was going to be born with NO chromosomal abnormalities…I was sad…I was pissed…I was because I think why are they so thankful not to have a Maddie? So I have to go back to before I had Maddie…and how sad I was…sad because I did not know better…sad because I was so short minded…I get that people will always hope and wish for a perfect healthy baby…it is normal…so why is it that I am questioned about my sadness, my stress level that encompasses an chromosomal abnormality…I am told to be thankful…I am suppose to be positive…that I am not suppose to question “why me”…but society is thankful when the chromosomal abnormality does not happen in there life….of course we all want the ideal life and perfect children…good news is I still have a ideal life with great children…I am also happy to report that Maddie has 10 pudgy fingers…8 toes n 2 webbed toes so that equals 10…and she is relatively healthy…
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When I hear people say they dont care if they have a boy or girl as long as its healthy...It bothers me, it stings a little. Because what it feels like is they are saying they wouldnt want a baby like Russell...And I too have to go back and remember how I use to feel before I was blessed with Russell.
ReplyDeleteAnd even though there are some people out there who may not consider Russell the "perfect" baby...He is the perfect baby for me :)
I'm so glad that I didn't know about Jax before he was born. I think I would have just had extra stress I didn't need!
ReplyDeleteSigh....my least favorite thing to hear is "as long as it's healthy"....and it's what I use to say! Only now when people say healthy, they also mean "doesn't have Down syndrome"....I have to remind myself before I get too annoyed or sad that Sutter is healthy....even with his extra chromosome!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was pregnant with Kaetlyn, just about a month after I found out she would be "chromosomally enhanced", I was at a dinner with work colleagues. One of them, after a couple of beers, was "close-talking" to me about how wonderful being a parent is and how much I would enjoy it. He said, "Of course, all you want is to have a healthy, happy baby." I said, "Yes, indeed." He said, "I feel so badly for people who have babies who are not normal - my neighbor, for example, has a son with Down Syndrome. How awful would that be?" I didn't respond, as he continued to talk and talk and talk. I basically let him talk as I sat there, my heart sinking a little, no, let's be honest, a LOT, thinking, "Is this what people will say about us?"
ReplyDeleteKaetlyn is now 5 months old. I have pictures of her lining the walls of my office. That co-worker has come in and seen the pictures and has remarked on how cute and beautiful she is. He has commented how lucky that she is both healthy and happy. And I have said, "yes...she is amazing."
I have yet to tell him she has DS, so I have no idea if he recognizes her beautiful almond eyes, brushfield spots, and oft-protruding tongue as those characteristics, or if he just sees that beautiful, beautiful little girl. Mostly, I want him to KNOW HER...and the reality is that her extra chromosome just makes her something extra special. And if he's sorry, well, that's really his issue. I am not. :)
Thanks for the post, yet again, you touched me right in the middle of my heart!