Monday, April 12, 2010

that word again...

burning sensation you know when your stomach is on fire…when your stomach sinks…and your heart breaks…you know that feeling…when someone has used the “R” word…it was a stunning comment coming from a 5 year old with a smirk…my reaction harsh, fast and to the point…not in my home-- not in my presence…and I turned and walked away…I would normally feel guilty about this reaction and how I handle it…but not this time…I am not sure why this same reaction cannot happen when a adult says it in my presence…why is it I usually let them slide…and make an excuse for them…and say well they did not mean it “that way”…but with a 5 year old…I get to the point…yes it is a teachable moment…and maybe she will learn not to say it again…frankly it pissed me off…and it pisses me off more that I do not confront adults with this same passion…I did have this debate with my brother a couple of weeks ago…his point of view was of course for free speech…he does not mean it “that way”…I simply said are you going to say it to Maddie? he blew me off and a couple of days later he was with friends…said the “R” word…and the mom said great the “R” word! My brothers heart sank and got the burning feeling in his tummy….he then replied I know that I just screwed up HUGE and I am sorry…they discussed it and he came to see the light! but it did take him saying it to a mom of a child with a disability…why cant we just be nice?

6 comments:

  1. I barely can say anything sometimes...And sometimes I don't. This past winter, a father of a new classmate was waiting near me, outside of our children's school.

    Another parent approached to wait, and they began talking. Eventually, the father learned that he was talking to a preschool teacher and somehow they got on the topic of the school buses.

    He started making "short bus" jokes -- seemingly relieved that his daughter and her daughter don't take the "short bus".

    It took ALL of me not to punch him in the face. At that time, he didn't know that my son is in his daughter's class AND that Gabe has Down syndrome.

    You know, the father never apologized after seeing Gabriel and maybe he shouldn't have to apologize. I don't know...But what I do know is that there are ALWAYS going to be people who use language to make themselves feel better.

    The key is to educate children first. And it's not always to do. Especially when parents couldn't care less.

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  2. I heard someone say the "R" word the other day and I wanted to say something too, but I didn't. Let's do it Kim, let's say something!

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  3. It can be hard when family says it. I had to ask my mom and brother not to say it anymore. So far, so good, at least not in my presence. I did kinda get the "eye roll" from him, though. Yes, I'm sensitive... so? It's hard with strangers, especially adults. But with little kids, I would've done the same thing. I'm surprised a 5 year old knows that word!

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  4. I am the brother. This is a learning process for all of us. I love my sister and her family more than most could imagine. I spend great amounts of time away from them and miss them every moment. I have read most all of her posts and enjoy the insite into what Kim is going through. This blog has helped me to understand her feelings and some of her rawest emotions. Keep it up Kim and I will grow as you do. I Love You.

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  5. Kim, I just started reading your blog the other day and have been reading it like a novel I can't put down. Your blogs have elicited many emotions from me. You are amazing at how you put your thoughts into words. Some of your posts have brought tears to my eyes. This one was one of those. My heart hurts to hear how people can be sometimes. But then I think, "God, please help me to not hurt people in my ignorance."

    Your children are so beautiful! Thanks for sharing them with us. ~joyce

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  6. Your brother's post tugged at my heart. I'm so glad you have a brother that cares for you the way he does.

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