Friday, April 9, 2010

Facetime...

I have two sides…a side that blogs…and the side that pretends…a friend who used to read my blog said…that my blog is my therapy…so do not read to much into it…partly that is true…but sometimes when I blog I search out for help, support, and advice…sometimes I blog…because it is easier to tell the truth to a computer screen then it is to people in front of you…I do encourage my close friends to read my blog…because it is the only way they will know how I am doing in my head…I cannot talk in real life how I type on the computer…so recently a couple of friends encouraged me to network through facebook…(special thanks to Monica & Lianna) it truly never occurred to me that I should or could do this…we started with facebook when Maddie was born…it was just easier to post once to facebook then it was to make the many phone calls…lately I was becoming disenfranchised with the whole facebook scene because of the high school feel of it…I could not network blog with facebook…because I was afraid people that I used to know may read it…I am still struggling with my feelings and my self worth…I am so afraid of being judged…that to put out to the world that I am a mother of a child born with Down Syndrome…and that I am not handling it gracefully….makes me vulnerable and scared…but after meeting so many different mothers on facebook…I think I need to network on the giant blue face…when I began blogging I thought…who would want to read about me…and my journey…turns out I am not the only one going through this journey….I realized that if people who use to know me or currently know me and just do not want to know my state of mind…can hide me…because really that is what I have been doing is hiding…I am tired of hiding…I am tired of pretending…I want to come into being me…whoever that may be…

4 comments:

  1. The great thing about facebook is that you can create friend lists and then set your updates so that only those people can read your stuff. That's what I do when I don't want all my friends from High School (that I haven't spoken to in over ten years) to know every detail of my life :) I would love to friend you on FB, it's nice to keep in touch with moms who know exactly what you are going through.

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  2. You know if some one would have told me a couple months ago I would be blogging, adding people on facebook I never met or talking to strangers about the most sensitve issue in my life right now, I would have told you you were crazy! But here I am...and I have found also that sharing my feelings on here is so much easier than in my real life. And I do feel judged by Mothers who havent walked in my shoes. I feel like people think I need to "get over it" too. But know that none of us "your blogging friends" will ever, ever judge you! And even though none of us may never meet, we can still make such strong friendships :)
    I love your blog!

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  3. I guess I never thought of it that way- thanks!!

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  4. It occurs to me how easier it is to "just be" with people who get it. And usually it's someone who is a parent of a child with special needs. The wonderful thing about the blogging world, and about Facebook, is that instant connection to information, research, personal experiences, and just being part of a larger community to watch our kids grow and flourish. It's truly awesome! Now, I am going to try to find you on Facebook!

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