Friday, November 19, 2010

MoJo...where?

I am not sure when it happened…but I have seemed to have forgotten my parenting common sense, parenting mojo, and/or even parenting intuition…I am not sure where it went…I am not sure how to get it back…and I am not sure when I lost it…so the other day while obsessing over the Down Syndrome developmental chart I realized I have not even thought…not even for one minute about teaching Maddie her body parts…REALLY…I am not sure when this brain fart happened…but I am beside myself…I have worried about eating, pooping, surgeries, digestive track, thyroid, cancer, teeth, 4 point crawling, talking, walking, and what strangers think…but not once did I think of Maddie knowing her head, and all that encompasses the face, shoulders, tummy, butt, legs and feet…what kind of mother does this…this is when I know I have to get my head on straight and stop thinking of everything the MIGHT happen…and that she is prone to HAVE happen…and start just living and listening to my inside voice and common sense…and stopping the pity party within me…this is a surface issue…I get it…I know that I have been so confused and burdened with not knowing what is next…is Maddie going to choke,  will she have surgery, will we have to be apart as a family, and so on….that I have failed to just live….I have been contemplating not blogging and trying to normalize me…by me writing and reading it just seems to enforce my worries and frustrations…but on the other hand blogging makes things better because I understand I am not alone…blogging is were most of my questions are answered….I often wonder if I just pretended things were ok…that I would begin to think everything is ok…I have good days and bad…and I know that blogging is my ONLY outlet…no one wants to hear my rants or concerns…because I am suppose to be over it…which I am over most things…but I wonder if I will ever wake up and not think…holy shit I have a child with Down Syndrome and I wonder what our future holds….

3 comments:

  1. I am still stunned sometimes about having a child with down syndrome...it's unbelievable to think how different life was before. Keep blogging though...sometimes I find when I write I get things out that would otherwise remain buried and not dealt with. It's good to rant especially with the down syndrome community because we hear ya loud and clear and have had some of the same fears, thoughts, and frusterations. By the way...I have totally been lax on the whole body part thing too...not sure what happened there...guess it fell through the cracks!

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  2. I hope you dont stop blogging, that would suck!!! But I do know what you mean...I have often felt that if I wasnt on here or reading other blogs maybe some of my issues with Down syndrome would disappear, or maybe I wouldnt obsess over things or worry so much, or even THINK about Ds as much if I wasnt on here....BUT...It has been my way of releasing my feelings, and I like documenting my life with Russell to see how far we have come, and it is the one place where I KNOW people understand me...so I guess both points have a good and a bad side to them.
    I have really enjoyed getting to know you and watch Maddie learn and grow, so for my own selfish reasons I hope you keep blogging :)

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  3. I don't think we can ever NOT think of the DS, it's part of who they are and for the rest of our lives as parents we're going to have to be there front and center fighting for them...
    and you're doing a great job...heck, I realized a couple of months ago I hadn't begun to teach my 2 year old shapes or numbers...

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