After Monday I have a weird peace…I know strange…again I was put back in my place…I was reminded of the control I do not have…I thrive off of control and schedules…I love yellow post its….I love lists…I like checking things off…and I get excited to organize and plan things…it is safe to me…and I like the predictable…my whole life I have pretended to love spontaneity and surprises…it was sexy to me…I always told myself that I was good at change and comfortable with it…but I am not ….I hate the unexpected…and I hate when my schedules gets off…I do not like when I do not have my weekend planned out…so I have excepted that Maddie is NOT a check list…that even when she reaches a milestone…I have excepted it may only be for that point and time…and that she may not repeat it in 5 minutes or an hour or even the next day…she did have a tooth for one day…it is gone again…she did eat noodles for a week…but that is now gone…and she bear crawled last week but not this week…and she is currently moving her little legs in an attempt to walk…but I know this is months maybe a year away…If Chad says one more time...I do not care how long it takes Maddie to do anything…I think I will hurt him…my list of to dos for her is getting VERY long! But I have a yellow sticky to remind me of PATIENCE!
Friday, November 5, 2010
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I always knew I'd find someone who loves lists and schedules as much as I do! That has been by far the hardest part for me....I had so many things planned for our future and then we had Sutter...and our life suddenly became unplanned. I'm trying to teach myself to plan less and be more patient but it's hard and day to day! Some days I'm really good but then I have a day where I start trying to plan the future again in my head and it sort of tail spins until I feel anxious all over again. It's a process, but I know we'll both survive! :)
ReplyDeleteAhhh... the checklist. I am known for my list-making, for my planning, for my making things "just so." From the moment Kaetlyn graced our lives, she was on her own plan. I'm finding more and more that the satisfactory checkmark, line-through-the-task is fewer and further between, and yet, I'm getting so much more joy from the tiny stolen moments with my sweet girl.
ReplyDeleteThat said, this past Wednesday was a DISASTER. I showed up at daycare with the child, but having forgotten her bottles! I had to head home and get food for her...this made me late for EVERYTHING thereafter...basically, the day went downhill from there. Every checkmark was forgotton; every scheduled appointment late. As much as I'm trying to embrace this new "checklist-less" state, I have to admit, I'm not doing as well as I'd like.
So good to know I'm not alone. Patience is a virtue I'm slow to learn, but am finding I must at least *try* to embrace! :)
Oh, Kim do I EVER know what you are saying here!! That was also my biggest thing when Russell came along...I had NO control over ANYTHING that had to do with him...I have no control over when he is going to do something or learn something...its hard, because I too got peace from lists and plans and scheudels...and now I have to find a new way to do things.
ReplyDeleteLOL...Had to laugh when you said you might hurt Chad. I get that same feeling here sometimes. Brad does get that more laid back relaxed role in all this, where as I feel like I am the one planning and working with Russell and doing everything else. For the most part it is a good balance, but there are days where I do not need his opinion. Ha ha