Thursday, March 11, 2010

OOOhh Maddie!

In the process of having a child born with Down Syndrome…I stopped getting standard medical procedures done for Maximus or myself…when I was pregnant with Maddie and after she was born there was so many tests and results…that I could not handle…I simply can not deal with something wrong with Max… so at his last visit to the doctor I chose not to do the standard blood and urine test…the doctors office called me to remind me several times and when I took Maddie in on Monday they reminded me again…I even said to the nurse…I am not a bad mom that only thinks of Maddie…I just have a hard time making Max do things he is not comfortable with…so today we took him in for his test…I wonder when I will stop being so jaded…so afraid of everything…I try to protect Max from the fact that the day we had Maddie…his role as a big brother changed…that he will now have to help fight for her and advocate for her…he will have to have thick skin and be patient…the thing about Max is that he would have been this big brother regardless…he is cool and proud and very in love with his little sister! Maddie is not feeling very well right now and I am not sure what is wrong…she is not eating solids…and only taking small amounts from the bottle…she has a very low grade fever and wants to sleep…her mucus is still clear and not green! I took her back to the doctor today and they say it could be a virus, cold, or teeth! They want me to just watch her…it is hard to JUST watch her…I want to fix her! I just want my little girl to be healthy and happy…this week has been difficult because of spring break…Chad has been home and I have not worked…so a lot of cleaning and home improvements…Maddie has not been on her regular schedule that we practice during a typical week…this concerns me that she is going to be a very scheduled person…something that I am not accustom to… but I am sure I will learn…

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