Monday, January 31, 2011

truth is tough...

My husbands tells me that debating openly and  honestly is dead in this country and that is why when I speak my presumed truth or am honest with people they hush me and say…”you never know”…I have a hard time with this…I am not a fan of living in a la la land…that the world is full of only the beautiful and well adjusted…because my world is just not that way…I used to live in a fairy tale…well into my 20’s…then my refrigerator broke and my Dad would not fix it, pay for it…or buy me a new one…that was the first time I can remember him telling me NO and to handle things on my own…slowly I learned how to take care of myself…I screwed up A-LOT! I hurt people…I hurt myself…but I was always honest…I recall people saying I was just being Kim and that I was not graced with tact…which with age I can say I have mastered most of the time…one of the hardest things I ever did was start living for me…I married the first time young…to young and with time I grew up and found I was not happy or content…this is a part of my life I hide…but I do not regret…I learned never to settle…I also learned to be independent…so as I moved out of that situation I honestly knew it was the right decision for me…not everyone was a fan of this and I lost friendships…so as I entered my 30’s and got married and had Max…again I was in a fantasy of what parenthood should look like…how my child was going to to be perfect! soon my truth came creeping in and I realized I knew nothing about being a parent…I could not control anything…and then Maddie happened…WOWSA was this the craziest, humbling-est, experience of my life so far…and where my journey with being honest and truthful is in question…it seems that the world can take my honesty in divorce, marriage or raising a typical child…but when it comes to a child born with an extra chromosome the answer is “you never know”…”why are you looking so far in the future?”, “why are you not just enjoying the present time”…I do not get the luxury of living in the “you never know” world with Maddie…I have to know…I have to be real with her milestones, her education and her health…to say to Maddie you will be President of the US one day…well that is just not true…she will not be president…she will not be a doctor…she just wont…and that is ok…but as a parent it is heart breaking…it is hard to look at my dearest girl and say I am not sure we can check that off the bucket list…that she may not get married or have kids…that she may never find true love or have mind blowing sex…this is the honest truth of being me…it is sad, it is hard, and it is frustrating….but it is truth and there is no debate in that….

7 comments:

  1. To be honest I think sometimes people are afraid to be honest with us. They're afraid to break our hearts. So they try to give you hope to be kind. This happens to me too and sometimes I just want someone to tell me like it is, I might cry but if it's the truth I can accept it. I like your honesty, it's real.

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  2. I get that a lot "you never know, he may surprise you"....yep he might and that will be great, but if not that's ok too! I like to be real and honest when it comes to whats possible and what's not. We have a college fund set up for both boys...I like knowing it's there, but I also know that Sutter's may never be used for college...it's our reality and it always will be!

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  3. Ahhhh...how I LOVE your honesty. One, it's nice to know I'm not insane in a lot of my own thoughts, and two because sometimes sugar-coating it really just makes it hurt all that much more in the end. I worry so much about Kaetlyn...I worry about 2 months from now, 6 years from now, 20 years from now, 50 years from now...people keep telling me to stop worrying, but somehow, I feel like I'm not preparing her or myself. What's the saying? Expect the best, but prepare for the worst...sometimes I think that's all I can do. I think expecting the best is what we can do most for our kids to challenge them and try to help them achieve all they can, but at the same time, we have to prepare for the worst so we can help them (and others can help us!) when it gets tough..it is what's most practical. Today, Kaetlyn is developing SO CLOSE to typically, it amazes me. But I know when that slows, or when a "major milestone" isn't met close to her typical peers, it's going to break my heart. I want SO MUCH for her and all I can do is breathe and tell her how much I love her...

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  4. I feel so many of the things you do...I really dont like people trying to make me feel better by brushing off my fears or worries...I dont like hearing "you never know" Because I GET that...I GET that I dont know everything that Russell may or may not do...As his Mother I feel I need to be prepared for the what ifs...What if he cant do this or that...And I do not like people thinking I am setting the bar low for Russell, because that is the last thing I am doing!! I expect great things from Russell, but in the end he can only do what he can do...And thats ok, but I want to be prepared.
    Great post Kim, I am always greatful for your honesty!

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  5. Yes, but at the same time ... there are some things YOU will never experience. For instance, maybe going out of the country or skydiving, something. I do get what you mean though... people need to mince their words and be sensitive to reality, because as you said... la la land isn't the best place to be

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  6. I do love your honesty. That was all stuff I thought about before adopting Arina. I wanted a girl since I was first married. So when we talked about adopting another DS child, I wondered if thats what I wanted in my "dream girl". I look at Sarah, and see how much fun her and her mom have together. I see beautiful Kennedy, and what a beautiful dancer she is. I realized that having a DS child will be as much fun as having a "typical" girl!

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  7. Funny. I hate it when people say "she might still" and I hate it when they imply there are things my buggie can't/won't do. I think it comes down to this...are kids are just what they are. Period. We love them and do our damn best to help them develop their potential. When I was 12 I realized that my very tall frame would not lend itself to me being a olympic gymnast, no matter how many hours I spent tumbling. Oh well. My four year old, she will never know what it's like to be petite, or brunette, or ...whatever. I just hope whatever she becomes I dont screw up her potential too badly. I accept the fact that we ALL have limits and things we can not do. Maddie is beautiful and your job is to help her grow into what SHE is supposed to be. Everyone else can just...sorry, I've been in this hospital too long now and I"m a little tired of hearing "well, we've noticed that kids with DS.." UGH!

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