Thursday, February 3, 2011

I get it...

So understanding what I can handle and what I cannot…has been a struggle…in my daycare I have kiddos much older then Maddie…and then a 9 month old…this has been a hard thing for me to handle…watching daily how much Maddie is falling behind the “norm”…on the other hand it has made me appreciate her effort, her hard work, her positive attitude…I am never really looking to add anyone to my daycare…I always have had a waiting list and I never seem to lose clients…so when someone calls to get into my program I usually say no…and leave it at that…of course this one came with a sad story and I thought on it for a few days…I realized I am not ready…I am not ready to have the same age child in my care as Maddie…I do not want to see day in and day out how much Maddie is not doing…I want to just celebrate what she is doing…I know she will someday walk, talk, go to school…but until those days we have to look forward to the huge milestones that lye ahead…this weekend I saw a little girl the same age as Maddie…what amazed me more then anything is how small Maddie is…how petite she is…I thought she was such a big girl and tall…but she is a peanut and that is so ok…I was not upset or envious…I was relieved that Maddie is alive and well…that she has a bright future that no one can predict…not even this scared Mama…


Yesterday a great young lady asked me what is the meaning behind my blogs? Simply put…it is my therapy and my friend…it is the only place that I am not judged and made to feel in fearer of my feelings and struggles of motherhood…in the “real” world I get looks of “get over it” when I am talking with someone about Maddie…so I have stopped talking about Maddie in the “real” world…I just say “Maddie is great”…that is what I say to everything…even when she is sick…or when she is struggling…she is simply “great”…I am a talker by nature…I used to enjoy the interaction and the feedback…but I no longer enjoy either face to face…so what is the meaning behind my blogs…they are just raw, true, human emotion…

5 comments:

  1. Good for you, for knowing what's best for YOU and not doing something that would make you uncomfortable. I'm very much a "yes" person and have a hard time saying no....it's gotten better over the years, but I've done a lot of things that I haven't wanted to do simply because I couldn't say no.

    I love your blog and your honesty and I'm glad it's a place you can go to "let go"...plus I love hearing about Maddie! :)

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  2. THAT is what I like about your blog! And your blog was the one I was referring to in my "blog anniversary" post I wrote the other day. It was your blog I stumbled across where I just sat and read back and back on your posts for hrs...It was YOUR honesty that made me brave enough to share my own true feelings. Your blog truly helped shape mine :)

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  3. I'm so glad you have your blog where you can share what you're feeling, and help encourage the rest of us along the way.

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  4. Your blog is something I look forward to most in the week. Your insights and honesty are so refreshing and truly help inspire and keep me sane. THANK YOU for it! :)

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  5. I'm glad you turned this daycare person down if you aren't ready. It would have just been a weight on you and there is no reason to put ourselves in needlessly hard situations.

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