Monday, February 7, 2011

keeping up...

I say to myself…that I am good…I am alright…I am pulling myself through…for the most part I am positive and upbeat…and I do not burst into tears anymore at different things that I see as obstacles or hardships…most of the time those obstacles and hardships are my insecurities of our future…and they moments not days of pity...so this weekend I struggled a bit…but I did not lose my cool…me and the kiddos went swimming this weekend...I was enjoying my time with my kids…and it seems that when Maddie is around I always have another mother lurking and following me and telling me how great Maddie is…with a head slightly cocked and an annoying I understand look…I know I should be nice and grateful…but those women always turn into lots of questions and pointless small talk…as I was trying to get away from her…I saw a girl…and it stopped me dead in my tracks…I did not know what to do…look away…or cry…my stomach was nervous and I was riddled with oh no…but I just stood there in the pool holding Maddie…tight…kissing her and thinking you are ok…you are ok…do not cry…do not freak out…yes my biggest fear a teenager with Down Syndrome had entered the pool…this is my fear…I am not ready to see Maddie as older…I am not ready to see what my future holds or what Maddie "may" be like when she is that age…I just shook my head and thought I need to get over this…I need to face this and stop thinking of all the stereo types in my head…I made myself continue with my Maddie and just revel in her…and who she is now…I did not cry…I did not freak…I just mothered my children…then the age old question…is she walking? NO NO NO NO NO! she is not walking she is cruising and that is AWESOME!! Is she eating “normal”? NO NO NO NO NO! she is not…she is still on #2 Gerber foods…aka- pureed food that she HATES! But thank you so much for asking…her response…well if it makes you feel better my daughter did not eat solids until she was 2 ½ …no it does not make me feel better! It makes think it must of sucked for you…and it sucks for Maddie…because she wants a juicy steak!

8 comments:

  1. "if it makes you feel better"....my first thought is why would anything YOUR kid do or not do make ME feel better? People say stupid things! As for the pool incident, I felt that way a few weeks ago at Costco...a young man in his late teens (I assume, I guess he could have been in his 20's) was with his parents and seemed just sort of "there". He had Ds and was holding onto the cart while his dad pushed. Rich and I both saw it and then we went the other way neither of us saying anything...we were both uncomfortable and there were no need for words. Sucks...hopefully by the time Maddie and Sutter are that age we'll be past the fear of the future!

    By the way, I was thinking about you and your divided house last night towards the end of the game...must have been some tense moments in those last few seconds! :) Go Pack!!!!

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  2. Okay, here's the thing with this whole older child thing and DS (at least according to me)-right now it's totally foreign to us. We are not there yet, not even close, so yes, it's uncomfortable for us to see teens acting younger or whatever. We want to see teens with DS acting like "normal" teens. Let's just admit it. But look how far we've come. Are kids don't necessarily act like "normal" toddlers and we're okay- I realize it's way different but what I'm trying to say is that when our kids get to that age we will have been with them for so many years. Now they may be different from what we've seen, different from the stereotypes we have in our heads but they may not. Whatever the case you just have to tell yourself that you will be used to your child. To you it will be normal. Now, it just seems "not right", uncomfortable, different...foreign. But I don't think it will be then. Of course I hope that Bennett will be a "high functioning" indiv. with DS but if he's not, that's how it is and I know I'm going to love and accept him how he is. Not saying it will be easy but I think it will be easier then we think. It just won't be so foreign to us.

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  3. I understand how you feel!! I cannot imagine j as a toddler or a pre-teen or a teenager or an adult and definitely not an old man. I don't WANT him to be any of those things. I feel like Ds is more acceptable when he's a baby...

    Hopefully this will change for us. HUGS!!

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  4. This still happens to me too Kim...When I see a teenager or adult with Ds in a store my stomach kind of flips and my heart beats fast...And then usually I turn and quickly walk away...Because I just cant go there yet, I'm just not ready to think THAT far down the road. But maybe Adrienne is right, its just foriegn to us right now...Once we get there though it will be ok, it will be our "normal"...One day at a time!

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  5. This reminds me of our Buddy Walk this year. My husband and I were walking behind a family with a teenager with Ds. She threw a huge tantrum the last mile and her dad was trying to get her to keep walking. We just looked at each other like, "Glad we're not there yet!" But when we are we'll be ready, we just will, we have to.

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  6. I often feel the same way when I see a teenager with DS. It's scary because it's so unknown...and I can't help but wonder if my child be like they are? Or will he be different? But the truth is that we don't know. Our kids are individuals and they're all different despite the fact that they have an extra chromosome in common... but it's so hard not to wonder.

    I hate comments like..." if it makes you feel better...".

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  7. I agree with Adriane, we just aren't ready to see the teenage side of it yet. I'm not sure why, although we saw the sweetest young man while in Cali visiting Zoey. And meeting him didn't give me any reservations. He was too cute!

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  8. It's still hard for me to be around older people with Ds. It is foreign to us, when our kids are so little still. The teen years make me the most nervous. Being a teen is hard anyway, and Ds complicating things just makes it harder....

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