Monday, May 10, 2010
who knew...
Thinking…that is what I have been doing a lot of lately…some thoughts make me sick…others make me smile…Maddie is fast approaching 1 years old…I am having a hard time concentrating on other things…I keep thinking of the events that preceded her arrival…I was so scared, alone, and panicked…as a young women I remember wanting and yearning for a little girl…a little minnie me…someone to share my Saturdays with…shopping talking…and laughing…I wanted a little girl to watch musicals and someone to hang out with when Chad and Max went hunting or fishing…for a short time after the diagnosis of Maddie…I thought I would not have my pal my best friend…in a daughter…shame on me…for being so selfish in thinking because she was not my “normal” she could not be my friend…shame on me for being so afraid of the unknown…because one year later…I look at her and she makes me smile…she makes me laugh…I cannot wait for her to awake after a sleep...so I can see her beautiful smile….I love her personality…and we already have the nicest talks! Maddie with my luck will want to hunt and fish! I suppose I will be ok with that…I figure now that we have survived a life altering diagnosis I can surly wrap my head around a daughter that camps!
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Very sweet post. Maddie will continue to amaze you and she'll definitely be "your girl!" No one ever promised life would be easy or filled with what we want, but we just might get what we need. :-)
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I found that time eased those feelings of guilt and remorse. You can't live in the past, but you can be here now in the present -- at least I keep reminding myself. :)
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for you to go through this year with Maddie because she has SO many changes coming up. It's a joyous time!!! ♥
I think the first year is the most difficult ,this next year will be so much fun and it will only get better with time
ReplyDeleteAwesome post. I had similar feelings and now that Austin's here...I feel so foolish for even thinking what I thought.
ReplyDeleteHopefully Maddie will realize that shopping with Mom is a lot more fun than hunting and fishing ;-)Haha
Either way, Maddie will do great things and I look forward to reading all about it! :)