Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Maddie do...
I have a more positive outlook then I have ever had regarding Maddie…but fear seems to creep in…she had a huge milestone yesterday… she fed herself…after her OT had her doing it...she did it at dinner...it was so AMAZING…not just once but many times…I am not quick to say she has mastered it…or even hopeful that she will continue to do it on a regular basis…and then I ask myself why…why not expect that of her…my answer is fear…that she will not do it again…or she will start being behind in her milestones and achievements…I know how import everything is to Maddie…I know that if I want her to be independent and drive…she must be able to master things...small things…but when it comes to Maddie…everything is big…everything is celebrated…I like that…I just fear that I do not do enough…that she will be behind...or not have the most fulfilled life because I am tired…or I am selfish…patience has never been a strong trait of mine…I am finding that is what I need most of is…patience…and the will not to give in to Maddie…the will to say to Maddie …. Maddie do it…not Mommy…even with feeding herself…today she got lazy and wanted me to feed her…so she squealed… she yelled…she whimpered…she stuck her bottom lip out…she cried…and just opened her mouth for me to do it…it took everything I had to sit there and just smile and say Maddie do…I just know this is the beginning of some big times when I will not be able to give in…not be able to do it for her…and it breaks my heart…I want to give her everything...and I want her to feel no hurt…no want…no discomfort…and I know this is all stemming from a small bite…but reality is that it is a HUGE step towards EVERYTHING for my Maddie…and how I will have to push her…to encourage her and remind her that she can do anything…if she is willing to put in the effort…and if I am willing to step back and let her learn…I know I need to be the role model…it is just so hard to know that I have to be perfect…that I have to be 100%...because I only get one chance with Maddie…time is progress when it comes to my little girl…with Max I know I can make up for it…if we skip a few steps along the way…but I know that Maddie must crawl before she can walk…and that is difficult to wrap my head around…I just hate the thought of letting her down…no worries or pressure…NOT :)
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Love that she's starting to self-feed. That is huge! And more good news... no one said you have to be perfect, cuz Lord knows none of us are... not even 1/2 the time. I do what I can for my little guy and guilt used to set in that I wasn't doing enough or as much as our peers, but reality is that she's YOUR child and you need to do what works for your family, including letting Max teach Maddie some new things. He'll grow and feel important in the process. It's true you only get "one chance" but it's also true that if you skip a week of therapy or just go outside for a walk around the neighborhood, that's good therapy, too. There's no "one size fits all"... but it sure sounds like you're a great mama to Miss Maddie.
ReplyDeleteOkay, Monica just said it all. :-) She's right, though. We've all felt guilt at one point or another about one thing or another, and you know what? Our kids are just FINE! It sounds like you and Maddie are right on the right track! Great job with the self-feeding - that's wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI am just getting over my "am I doing enough" thoughts and feelings...but I am sure they will return. It seems to go in phases for me, I will be fine for a few weeks and then for a week or two I am not ok. I always wonder if I am doing enough for Russell,cause I feel exactly like you do, I only get one chance with him and I want to do it right and not miss anything along the way that could help him. It is so good to hear other Moms talk about how they have shared the same feelings at one point or another, I tell ya blogging is saving me!!
ReplyDeleteI like what Monica said about how its ok to skip the therapy sometimes and just take a break, because thats what I feel I need to do with Russell. I need to have some days where he is just my little 5 month old baby boy, and let him be that and not "work" with him.
You guys are great, I am so glad I get to read everyone elses thoughts and experiences in all this, it is REALLY helping me through :)
Please show pictures of Maddie feeding herself. It is a huge milestone. About the guild, I think we all feel in the same way at some point. I do because I work full time and I cannot be with my son 100% of the time.
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