Hi my name is Kim and I am a recovering bigot and ignorant sole…once was the day I agreed abortion was a woman choice…sole choice…once was ...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
A better word then chill is numb…numb that I am starting to re-think who I am…and how I feel…and how I am perceived as a mother of a daughter born with Down Syndrome…it has been a little over a year and a half that I found out that I was going to be a “special” parent…in the beginning it was ok by my inner circle that I was scared and pissed…and over time that has diminished…I have been expected to get with the program, be excited and happy that my Maddie is just so cute…not that she is smart or developing timely…but she is just so cute…I am now expected to be ok with every new medication that she is put on…and relieved that she does not need surgery yet…and why would I ever question doctors and what they prescribe my 15 month old…why am I challenged when I say I am not comfortable with older people with Down Syndrome…why am I questioned when I have reservations about the future…because that very person that is questioning me…has a “normal” child…there biggest worry is if there child is getting good grades…my biggest worry is she giving it her all…because I am not sure the letter grade will matter much…Maddie is more then a cute face…Maddie is more then a doll…she is a toddler, and will soon be a adolescent and an adult…I am told to just go with the flow and look at the positive side of things…so here it is I am so excited that my child will face great health issues for her life…I am so relieved that my child is on 3 different medications for life and possible surgery for the rest of her life…I am so thankful she may never be asked on a date…words can not explain for relieved I am that she may never drive or be independent…I am so happy that she will struggle through school…I am so elated that she will have to work 3 times as hard as a “normal” child to do anything! And I without words that she will be stared at and mocked…Wow I feel so much better about being positive…I never knew that the experts on raising my child were a parent of a “normal” developing child…after this rant does it mean that I love or appreciate my Maddie any less…HELL NO!! I love her and just because I have an opinion about my daughter and I am scared shitless…I will continue to pick my audience more effectively and efficiently…we celebrate "the Maddie" every moment of everyday…because she is ours and weI love her more then we could have imagined…and I would not change her or take away the Down Syndrome…I would just take away the hurt she currently and will endure in the future…oh yeah that is where the “normal” child parent would say our children will have there struggles to…they are just different obstacles…there it is a couple weeks of pent up anger and confusion…smiles