samething...different day...

These days I have been feeling blah…I think I am becoming numb to the rituals of everyday life mothering a child born with Down Syndrome…she amazes me most days and has captured my heart…but there is this little voice in the back of my head saying what the f**k…how did this happen…people who do not have a child like mine do not get it…and silly me on thinking they may have the empathy or patience for my up and down moods and emotions…the day in and day out rituals one must perform…everyday whether on “vacation” or at home…is the same thing EVERY DAY…how we begin a meal, how we go to sleep…any transition must be in the sequence in which we do everyday…the constant worrying if I am giving her medications at the times needed…did we complete our therapy routine…where are her glasses...did we get that doctors appointments….is she stricturing or aspirating…why is it she cannot eat any solid foods and she is almost 14 months old…at the 4th of July celebration there were 3 girls that were born with Down Syndrome hanging out together…I am sure I was the only one who noticed and I am sure I am the only one that followed there every move…they cheered for the baseball team…and enjoyed hotdogs and pepsi…it was nice to see what a “normal” life they seemed to be living…they were having a great time together…it made me think of true friendship…something I think we think we know…but we do not…these three girls share something not many do…a life time of stigma…they understand that stigma…they understand the stares…I know the girls names and I have one of the girls numbers maybe soon…I will be ready to have a conversation with one or all of them…to help me understand…to help me be a better parent to Maddie…so she will not have to live with that stigma in her own home…