Thursday, July 8, 2010

Be Mine...

Maddie is blowing kisses…it is so sweet…and I am beyond proud of her…there is some prompting…and not every time does she do it…but she is doing it….she is also starting to really dance…and giggle…my Maddie is simply put a bundle of greatness…that is where my heart ache comes from...I know how perfect she is…how funny…how sweet…how loving she is…just because she is my Maddie…what scares me and keeps me up at night…is will we be the only ones that get to know the greatness in her…I haTe when people say well she may not want to date, fall in love, or get married…have children…my question to them is…did you? Because I am sure my Maddie would want the same…I am sure she will want to dance and receive valentines…I am sure she will want to fall in love and enjoy a kiss…but society says different…they say she will live with me or in a residential home…that she will have a babysitter…maybe not around the clock but there will always be someone checking in on her…so again I ask is this what you want for your child? I want more for mine and I mourn the loss of the dream I had for her… I just want so much more for her...I know I do not know her future and I know this can all happen on the off chance that the stars all align…but in all of this I have learned to get real and not give myself or others false hope…because all it does is hurts Maddie… because I am the one she will come to when she has been told no to dance from the boy she thinks is cute…I am the one that will hold her hand when her friends and brother are getting married…I am the one that will be there when she is 30 years old wondering what we will do next….that is our reality…so today I will stop looking into the future and stay with the day to day...it seems much more promising…

5 comments:

  1. Honestly I try not to go there....I try to stay in the now....I don't even get to next year or kindergarten because when I do it's just too overwhelming. I will tell you this, if Maddie ever needs a boy to dance with I'll send Sutter over....I'm sure he'll think she's just as cute as I do! Big hugs...now, go have Maddie blow you some kisses!!!!

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  2. I have felt some of the same things. Honestly when I was first told they suspected Down syndrome my mind instantly flashed forward 20yrs...and I was scared, really scared, I still am sometimes. I dont even want to think about school or any of that right now because there is still fear and then that sadness. Just like Wren, I still feel overwhelmed when I look to far ahead.
    And in the future Maddie can have two cute boys fight to dance with her cause I am sure Russell will want to get in there too!!! She really is adorable Kim, LOVED the pics on facebook of her with her little glasses, SO cute!!

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  3. Kim,
    Don't stop dreaming for you or her, you both deserve that! Who knows what the future holds for her or any "typical" kid. I have so many dreams for my little Carsen, I'm going to teach her to dream big too! I will still deal with each day as it comes, but we have to have our dreams.

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  4. It's so hard to balance our dreams and expectations, isn't it? I am trying to stay PRESENT, too. The future is too far away and too scary to think about. I don't know if Eon will dance at prom or at his wedding, so today we dance!

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  5. The future is overwhelming to me too. I try to focused on the present and hope that I will be ready for the future when we get there.

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