Friday, July 30, 2010

Missed...

last night I had a great time having sushi with a great friend…and catching up…I did not want to come home…that is simply put…I just wanted the time to be me again...a singular person…just me…not a mom….not a wife…not a person with responsibilities…for that instance I thought would they miss me? would they notice…my life has become a routine and a beckoning of everyone else needs and desires…make this appointment…do this…do that…I have crazy thoughts when I drive…when I was pregnant with Maddie…I wanted to get in a car wreck to stop the hurt I was feeling and eliminate the person growing in me…because I was so scared to have a child born with Down Syndrome…and every other diagnosis that was awaiting her arrival…it was a split second thought that felt like a life time…it jolted me…it made me sick to my tummy…I did not feel guilty about this thought and I still do not…I think it is what we do when we are faced with turmoil and the unknown…so I took the long way home last night…when I got home to my surprise… I was greeted with Max opening my car door…and a BIG smile and kiss “I missed you Mommy I thought you were gone forever” and Maddie was jumping out of Chad’s arms to give me a hug and lick…I guess this is one of those times that it is good to go home and see what can happen…sometimes it turns out ok…like Maddie she has been more then I could have wanted and far more then I could have imagined…good thing for a conscience…

4 comments:

  1. LOL! Kimberly, you remind me of myself sometimes. It's good to get out of the house and our role in it. Good for you for socializing and enjoying sushi!!!

    We love our kids. There is no denying it. And I love to hear "Welcome home, Mommy." from Gabe. Even when I think I'd want just one more hour to myself, I see his face and feel his hug and that peck on my cheek and I'm just grateful for another hour with him. It's weird, isn't it...

    Anyway, good on you for getting out and about!

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  2. I agree...there are days where I just need to be ME...Not Mom, or Aunty, or a wife...just ME! I understand how you feel...and you know I had a thought, right after Russell was born that is hard for me to admitt to, I have never told anyone about it because I am to ashamed I thought it, even if it was just for a split second...maybe one day I might have the courage to say it out loud. Your honesty and courage to speak it has really helped me through many tough times. I feel privledged to read your blog! Thank you :)

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  3. Loved the post, but I have to admit, my favorite part was, "to give me a hug and lick"! LOL! You have a way with words, my friend!

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  4. Kimberly, your honesty is so refreshing. You make everything alright. Isn't it weird how what we feared turned out to not just be ok, but to be awesome?

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