Thursday, September 8, 2011

tumbles...


I am not sure how I feel…I am just in limbo again about Maddie and Ds…I understand the “what if” game is a hard game to play…I get that the coulda, woulda, shoulda, is virtually impossible to find peace in…but there are times that are difficult for me…any kind of change or disruption seems to make these feelings boil up in me…I enrolled Maddie in a tumbling class…it begins tonight…I am not sure it is the right thing to do…I know all the positives…social interaction, exercise, body awareness…but I seem to have to turn this in to a me thing…I know sad and dramatic…but it is what it is…I am not sure I am ready for the whispers…the oohhh she is so cute and funny…I get people mean nice…but this is a unknown for me a leap of extreme -put myself and Maddie out there…Maddie will be great! She will love it…I know she will because she loves other little people and she loves to dress up…but this is my insecurity…my uncontrollable insecure thoughts and judgments…when we were in Yellowstone earlier this week…it was a blast and I forgot about most judgments and negative thoughts…and then of course someone had to comment on Maddie and her walk…they made fun of her again…but this time the parent corrected the teen and smiled at us…I was ok --but a weee bit frustrated that it keeps happening…that people seem to think it necessary to comment about my girl…she is two and a novice walker…and I think of all the hard work it took to get her to this point…and it frustrates me that Maddie will hear this soon and understand this soon enough…Maddie is a sharpe cookie…she gets her surroundings…she has a high level of thought process and skill…My Maddie will get the whispers, the comments, the ignorance…and that makes me sad…if a two year is not protected from this how will she be when she is a teen or an adult…I know worries for another day…but I am scared…scared I will cry at the first cross look or sympathy smile…so the rest of the day I will think good thoughts and maybe just maybe all will be good for this insecure mama…

12 comments:

  1. I think its good you admit these fears, I don't think they will ever go away and its always going to be a stumbling block. I hate the extra attention and the painful comments but you just have to keep it all balanced with the great moments. I wish I didn't think about DS as much as I do.

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  2. Oh man...I'm right there with you! I keep thinking about signing Sutter up for a swim lesson on one of the mornings that Landon's in preschool, but I know he'll be the only with Ds and all of the other kids will be "typical"! I just hate dealing with the sympathy comments! At the same time we are also going to a play group for the first time that is structured around kids with all abilities and disabilities and I feel weird going to that too because I just don't see Sutter as anything other than "typical"...talk about an oxymoron huh!

    I'm sure she'll love her class and after the first "awkward" day (if it even happens...you might be surprised!!!) she'll just be one of the kids out there having fun and tumbling! Have fun and enjoy the class, I know Maddie will LOVE it!!!

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  3. Yeah I am the same with any new social situation, when people are getting to know Owen,My experience is that the little kids could care less they just accept him as he is, it is the parents I feel self concious about. But Owen is now the star of our (typical) music class, he walks around saying hello to everyone and blowing kisses, he cheers at all the other childrens attempts and cheers for himself too, actually it is lovely, I feel very proud of him. I still feel resistance from some parents but over the weeks his charm and love are breaking down the barriers. Good on you for being "out there". With love and blessings Viv

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  4. Maybe I'm in denial. I tried to take Cora to a book reading playgroup at the library today but got my times mixed up and showed up just as it was over. Silly mistake or purposeful accident? Hmmm... We get out and socialize, but not yet with strangers in a fully "typical" setting like that. I keep thinking I'll be proud and that I won't mind the "she's so cute" comments even when you know that the other mama is hiding her pity, but deep inside I guess I do have the same worries you have. Right now I am so proud of her that I'd almost dare someone to respond in a less than favorable way. But yes, I do have the same worries. And you should be proud that she is walking and doing everything she is, just like you are. So hold your head up high and go out with your girl. We're behind you all the way!

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  5. Love this post. All we can do is take one day at a time, you know? Because as a mama of ten I've seen each one of my kids go through hurts and at times rejection for one issue or another. Every single one of them. I think the difference is, we can almost predict that the times of rejection or being made fun of will come with our kids who have Ds. I think it's normal to anticipate this, and normal to do so with a little bit of angst. I also know I've been so often pleasantly surprised at the love and genuine compassion we've experienced from strangers since having Lily. I expect we'll be equally surprised in the future...I have to make a conscious decision to embrace those kinds of responses and ignore the negative ones. And you're so right, it's for our kids that we fear..we don't want them to be hurt. But I've watched all of my other kids be hurt for other reasons (being teased for wearing glasses or being small or maybe not as smart in class, etc.) and then helped them learn to rise above small minded people. I do believe we'll be able to teach our girls to do the same!

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  6. Thinking good thoughts for her class tonight :)

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  7. As the mom of an older child with DS, I can relate. But now that Davey is older, I forget that he not a "typical" kid. We have always trated him the same as his twin brother (who is typical whatever that means). I think if you treat Maddie as a "typical" kid, everyone else will too! You rock as a mom!

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  8. I get everything you wrote in here Kim...I myself am struggling right now with the whole Ds thing...But I know Madds will do awesome and love it. Let us know how it goes :)

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  9. You're an awesome mom, Kim. Little Miss Maddie will light this world on fire with the joy and confidence that she radiates as she grows up. You'll see... It's that confidence, both from child *and* parent, that will stop people in their tracks *before* they open their mouths to say something negative. That confidence will be what they see, what teaches them to be better people. (((hugs)))

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  10. I am proud of you for putting yourself and Maddie out there because that is the first step. It is not easy, and I know. But, the more you do it and show the world how "typical" are kids really are, the easier it becomes. Hold your head high and show them through your example how "normal" it all is...even when on the inside you are completely insecure about it. Comments come and go...letting them roll off comes with time, I promise. I have been in your shoes. Maddie will show you more than anyone in that room it will be fine...it will be great. I know I am reading this late so I hope the class went great, and there are many more to come! :)

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  11. People just don't get it, how hard our kids work for the simple things. Some people should just keep their thoughts to themselves.

    I think it's great you got her in a class. I think she'll love it and that's what is important.

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  12. I hope Maddie is loving her class and that there are lots of supportive and caring parents.

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