Monday, September 26, 2011

i dont care...

I dont care...this is a phrase that I have inserted intentionally into my thought process...it may seem callous...it may seem...like a cop out...but I am a worrier...always have been...I worry about my looks, what I am wearing...I worry if my house is clean, if my kids are behaving nice...and I seem to always worry about what others think...so insert...I dont care...I say this over and over in hopes that it will stick...that I will no longer care about what I am obsessing over...I have been a worrier for my entire life...it is me...it is part of my personality...and it is a part of my persona that I wish to be different...I no longer want to care what others think...about me, my kids, my car, my house, my life in general...but somehow I get caught up with keeping up with others...I will never forget a women saying to me...when I was contemplating what car to buy...saying we are not mini van or small car people...I thought about this and thought I am almost 40 years old...does it really matter what car I drive...does it really matter if my kids do not go to the "right" schools...that we do not live in the "perfect" house...or I no longer wear designer jeans...insert I dont care...and then there is my Maddie...this is where the I dont care...comes in handy...stares, ignorance, comments, sighs, they all make me insert...I dont care...and with Maddie's tumbling class...it has worked wonders...it is like we are the only ones in the class...I only see Maddie and her accomplishments...I see her intent on following the direction of the teacher...I see her making HUGE strides in following direction with song, dance and tumbling...and when the other women whisper...when the other women giggle at her walk..I insert I dont care...I can look at Maddie and see that it is a huge deal that Maddie sits on her carpet square, that Maddie understands each prompt the teacher gives her to finish the expected task...that this is a BIG deal in Maddie's development...I dont care that I cry when I see it happening...I dont care that no one can understand my over bubbling of pride of my daughter...and I dont care is a phrase that will become more important as me and Maddie go through this journey together...I think it will be a good coping phrase for me and Maddie to master...

6 comments:

  1. I'm working on the same thing...it's harder than it sounds...but like you I'm trying! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I totally get it. I am the same way in the "worry" department, but I think the whole Ds diagnosis has helped put things in perspective as to what's really important in life. Others that aren't directly affected by it will never truly understand our excitement over "the little things", no matter how hard they try. I love that Maddie is in tumbling class! She is so cute and I'm sure she's inspiring others without you even realizing it...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey I say that too ! Just give it up ! I don't care and I am really trying to walk the talk and I think I making progress. Viv

    ReplyDelete
  4. You said it perfectly. That is so true...at some point you have to think this way or your world would crumble from worry and whatever else comes along with that type of stress. Enjoy those little things...because I feel those that do not get it are missing out on much more than we can ever imagine! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Something I am working on too!! For me its the stares and comments I need to learn to throw the phrase "I don't care" at...I'm getting there, slowly.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wonderful! It's definitely something I work on too. Sometimes I do care and I hate that I do. It's only human, I suppose.

    ReplyDelete