slow down Mama

So Maddie and eating is ridiculous…and very FRUSTRATING…she was progressing well… so I thought…and at lunch yesterday she took one of Max’s chicken stix and began to chew on it…I let her and watched her close…she did so good I even texted Chad…to let him in on a little "first"…she has been starting to refuse baby food...and wants things with something to them…so I thought french fries…McDonald french fries….really is there anything better…I thought what a BIG girl…so we began dinner…she took the french fry began to chew…and then I noticed half of the fry was gone…and then it hit me it was in her mouth then in her throat and there was NO getting it out…she began to cough like she does…she has been so good about being able to get things up…then she started to have a hard time catching her breath…I said to Max get your shoes on we are going to the doctor…of course I tried the upside down shaking her, I tried the beating it out of her…I even tried the Heimlich…nothing worked…she was responsive and pink…but then when she would try to cough it up…she could not and she would turn gray…Max was so great he said lets go Mommy…and we did …I exceeded the speed limit to the hospital just a couple of blocks away…by the time we got there...I was in full speed…and the nurse asked as we walked in the door if we needed help…I started to cry…and they took it from there…she was wheezing but her pulse was good and she was still pink…it was lodged somewhere and you could hear it when she breathed…the doctor came in and ordered a RSV test…he thought maybe it was that…because that is how it sounded…also they could hear it rattling on her left side…not on the normal right side…as the nurse did the RSV test…she violently started to cough and throw up…and there it came a fry…we still did the x-rays to make sure nothing was still in there…she was a trooper and I was thankful I had dear friends to call to help me out…since Chad is gone teaching in 2.5 hrs away! Maddie is ok today…and I have again eliminated all none dissolvable items from her diet…it always seems we move one step ahead with Maddie then 10 steps back…but this time I do not care…she can eat puree foods for life if she is safe and breathing…so more questions for the doctors…how big is her tube after the esophagus surgery…and will this continue for life…making food VERY small and very dissoluble…Maddie wants to chew…it is so cute how she tries…I knew better then to push so hard…this is when we say…slow down mama….