Sunday, December 13, 2009
Babies…my view on them is very different from going through the Maddox! I used to be so excited and loved when people were thinking about getting pregnant and people being pregnant…and just loving the whole process…that has changed…I just do not think that people have perfect babies now…I even think of people who have miscarriages differently…I feel for them I feel for the death of there baby...it is not so fleeting to me…that it was just the body rejecting the fetus…I now view that fetus as a baby regardless of the week of gestation the mother is in…I am also soured in the whole celebration of the babies arrival…what prompted this??? An invite to a baby shower…I have to admit I am not a fan of them…I used to love going shopping for the mom and the baby…now not so much...I am not sure if it is jealousy…or if it is my bitterness of my own pregnancy…I loved being pregnant with Maximus…I hated being pregnant with Maddox…so I got tied! While I was pregnant with Maddox I attended a baby shower for a friend of mine...it was one of the hardest things I did while I was pregnant…I did not have a baby shower I would not allow it…at that time we did not know if Maddox would survive and I was not going to come home to a room full of pink baby things and no baby…when we did get out of the hospital and home I attended another baby shower for a friend and it was still equally hard…I was so mad and angry that I was not as happy as those two friends…one of the friends did the prenatal testing for Down Syndrome and her test came back a false positive…her baby even had markers for Down Syndrome…and Maddox had nothing…until the no bubble ultra sound…now I have another baby shower that I should attend…and I can have a million reason why I should not go…and one reason why I should…because I will feel guilty and I should get over myself…I have five days to decide!