Tuesday, January 24, 2012

special what?

Special needs child…not sure when I missed that memo…but I did…last week I for the first time really took in and accepted that I, Kim have a special needs child…what the F#!*...really...not in a bad way just in “oh my” way…I do not see Maddie as special needs…I see her as Maddie…cute, funny, smart…full of 2ness…but not special needs…then I got thinking…what special needs are “they” talking about…and then it happened like a load bricks in my face…I watched Maddie struggle…I watched Maddie not understand at first and have to watch…something that she has done many times she had to process…recall…and then put into action…I watched for the first time that process thing that all the “experts” talked about…I remember reading somewhere that Maddie will have trouble with short term memory…processing “normally” what ever that means…that is what I thought…not my girl…she will be just fine…she will be able to do anything…and Maddie will be able to do anything…I realize now truly that it will take longer…the simple task she was having trouble with…head, shoulders, knees and toes…have done this a million and one times…and this time it was changed up a bit…I was not the one singing it…and Maddie was lost…she had to stand and process while the others were putting the song into action…she wanted to keep up…or maybe I wanted her to keep up…but I saw those wheels turning in her head…trying so hard to just get the moves out…and then the thumb went in the mouth other hand playing with her hair…and finally after a few minutes…she joined in…with a smile and giggle…I am not sure why it was hard for me to see and watch and not be able to fix…I realized with no amount of anything will change the fact that Maddie will do things at her pace…I know it was the same thing when she learned to sit up, crawl, walk, etc…but now I see how much she loves to live, smile and giggle that when she struggles I want to step in, fix and do for her…so I go back to the phrase and over used words “special needs” what is that? I have special needs we all do…why do we have to label Maddie…the word “special” is just not my favorite word…it is cliché…and I see it as a negative…so I did accept that I have a “special needs” child...I will only use that phrase for our advantage…isn’t that what it really is…a phrase tied to money and diagnosis…not to who Maddie really is…

7 comments:

  1. Could not agree more...we all truly have "special needs" when you think about it. It is just that negative feeling you get attached to those words. I stIll have a hard time saying it and still cringe when someone says "your child with special needs" or says "Kristen's special needs." I, like you, just want it to be Kristen, my child...that is it! Great post...

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  2. Ahh so true Kim. I am having these moments when isee O struggle, but I still have to gulp down some grief with them, I still wish there were no struggle, maybe I will come to terms with it sometime? I hate the word special too! - sounds so conceited to me. Luv V

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  3. I agree, too. You've said it well. I use "Special Needs" when referring to services or things we need for Samantha, not to describe her specifically - it's not who she is. :-) The word I struggle with is "Disabled." We talk about *disability* all the time, and yes, our children have "a disability," (much like a "disadvantage"), but they most certainly are *not* "disabled."

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  4. I loathe that term! Not sure why but I do and have from the start. I do not consider Sutter "special" in anyway - he's just Sutter...wild, crazy, dare devil Sutter!

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  5. I do this too. I still am shocked that I have a non typical child. But like you I don't think of Lucas as different, maybe that's why I'm shocked. I'm not sure I'm making any sense but I get you, is what I'm trying to say. lol.

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  6. Man it was so hard for me, until I had Arina! Jax is special needs, he is beyond special needs! Lol. But Arina is a typical toddler. She walked slower, but so did tanner. Who's to say when children should walk, and gain new skills? She has no special needs in my eyes, she is Arina!

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  7. I think I would be ok with people calling Russell "special" if he was...But he is not. He is an average, ordinary, typical bratty two year old!!! Nothing special...Just plain ol Russell :)

    The whole thought process thing, I am starting to see with Russell. He really needs time to take things in and think about it and then put it into action. Sometimes it does hurt to watch that mental struggle, more so than the physical struggles he has faced. Ya, I get what you're saying...I feel that too.

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