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Hi my name is Kim and I am a recovering bigot and ignorant sole…once was the day I agreed abortion was a woman choice…sole choice…once was ...

Thursday, January 26, 2012


“I just hope my baby is healthy”…what does that mean? Healthy is such a BIG word with so many meanings…does it mean not like Maddie? Does it mean with no heart issues…does it mean no chronic issue? Does it mean not a club foot? Does it mean premature? Does it mean not in the NICU? What does this statement mean…I used it…I said it…and now it just seems so cliché to me…cliché is my word of the week…I guess I am just done with the winter wind in Wyoming…not sure what but these days we can fix pretty much anything…and if the issue is not fixable…you learn to adjust…you learn to love it…to embrace it…to accept it…health issues are so there…they are like hang nail…they come and go…you can try to prevent them…you can fix them bandage them up…and sometimes they come back and then you treat them again…but hoping for a healthy baby is a waste of time…the baby is what the baby is…is that wrong? Maybe I am to jaded to see any of the hope…I just want a society that stops asking and yearning for a perceived perfection that is not there…it is in the eyes of the beholder…not society…Maddie is not a perfect kid to most people…but I learned that she is perfection to me…Maddie still makes me crazy, scared, hopeless, hopeful, angry, tired,  and in a constant frame of worry…but it is what it is…when I think healthy…I think of Maddie…she is not dead! She is not sick…when I was in the hospital I received a breast feeding book…and all the babies were NICU babies…and I started to laugh and cry…this is my new normal…this is what perfection looks like…now when I see a baby with no tubes I think…wow no accessories what is wrong with this picture…when I see a baby with tubes I see a fighter…I see strength…I see hope…jaded…yep…but reality is my yearning for control…is no longer in my grasp…only that healthy means a lot of things to a lot of people…if I was pregnant I would probably say this phrase…because of course I want a healthy baby…but I would like to think I would say…I just hope my baby comes out alive and screaming…


  1. Just this past week, a couple who is pregnant was super disappointed because they were having a girl instead of a boy. I really could have just screamed but I just smiled and said "girls are great too." That bothers me now too...not even just wanting a healthy baby but a boy too! Yes, I wanted a healthy baby too during my pregnancy and never thought about what it really meant. This was a great post to get me thinking about that phrase. I know Kristen is not what anyone is hoping for in that statement, but when I would look at her as a newborn, I would tell myself she is healthy, really, because she was home, thriving, and living. It was not that perfect picture I dreamed of...but now it is. :)

    Oh, I have tried that crafting website but I was limited in what I could do because I am not on Facebook. Any suggestions on how to use it better I would more than welcome! thanks...

  2. Ha, this is perfect!

    So many words and phrases don't even make sense to me any more "Perfect" "Healthy" even "Disabled"...I even find when I am describing Russell's birth and I say the sentence "We didn't know anything was wrong with him until after he was born" I pause now and think the word "wrong" doesn't fit. Nothing is "wrong" with Russell.
    Russell may not be the "healthy" or the "perfect" some people think of when having a baby...But he is to us...He is all that and more!

  3. You rock! You have such an awesome perspective on what counts.

  4. Well said. The funny thing about good health is that it is relative and it is never guaranteed for life. I've learned that when some bad health is thrown into the mix now and then, good health is more appreciated. That's not to say I wish for bad health for anyone, of course.

  5. I get angered by moms wishing for "healthy" babies too! My friend today said she didn't think she didn't want anymore kids for fear of having a baby with problems. And she said this with Ben sitting right there. I still am steaming!

  6. Agreed! My only wish for my last child was that she come home. My 1st two children were NICU babies and I wanted the experience of staying with my baby. it does irk me when people talk about healthy babies because it feels like my child's life is not valued. Don't watch crappy tv!