Monday, December 5, 2011

time heals all...

It seems that I cannot live without Down syndrome...I am not sure I want to live without it either...which is stunning and quite confusing...in the beginning of this what feels like a forever journey...I loathed Down syndrome...I did not like anything about it...somehow beauty has become synonymous with Down syndrome and my perception of it...a sense of "normal" comes with Down syndrome...it startled me today when I was thinking if I would have Maddie all over again...if I would choose to do things the same exact way...and the answer surprised me...I would...I would take Maddie just the way she is again...I may take away the health issues...but I would not take away what makes Maddie -Maddie...my life is now consumed with Maddie and Maddie's routine...I cannot fathom my life with out the extra chromosome and what comes with that little bit of extra goodness...I was asked the other day if I would have another child if I knew for sure it would be born with Down syndrome...I could not answer that question out loud...because that answer would be no...not because I am scared of it...not because I am selfish and would not want another child born with all the extra's that comes with Down syndrome...but I think no because I would rather adopt a child born with Down syndrome then create another...when there are so many children looking for forever families...in the beginning I thought I was being punished and asked why me...why did I have to have a human born with Down syndrome...never once thinking about Maddie and her feelings it was all about me...now I see life through her eyes and for some reason it does not seem so hard...it seems effortless to love, to learn, to grow...I guess time does heal...

6 comments:

  1. Time certainly does heal. I love to read your words and know you are in such a beautiful place at this moment. Reread your own words when you have a moment where you are struggling to remind yourself of the peace you felt as you wrote these words! These words lift me up too! THanks.

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  2. Such a perfect post! It took me a long while to get to where I am now. And in the beginning I felt like everything was all about me...My journey, how I felt. Now all I see is Russell and how happy and joyful his life is.

    You are so right...Time does heal :)

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  3. Wow, how you have come such a LONG way!!!!

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  4. Time does heal! I wouldn't change Claire either. Claire, just as she is, is perfect!

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  5. So true! I have a 17 year old son that has Downs and would not change who he is. I love the way he knows just when I need a hug or kiss. He knows how to make me laugh! He shows me that we shouldn't hold a grudge or hang on to anger. He shows me to look for the good in all people. Ryan is my angel and so glad that he was born who he is! He makes my life full and who would ever want to change that?

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