So I admit I have been a little down about Maddie and her development…she is turning two in 2 weeks and her development is not typical…then today her case worker came and she asked if there was anything I was concerned about…anything I thought we needed to work on...I said "NO"…I like to lie...I am not sure why I do...but I just said Maddie is doing amazing....then I paused and thought here I am coming to anyone who listen in bloggo land but I will not tell the person that could help…but I think I have good reason...because I know that I am being unrealistic…I know I am being petty and selfish…and I know I am not looking at the big picture…I do get it…but I think I am allowed to be sad sometimes and I do think I am allowed to be jealous…yep I said it…jealous…that my kiddo is not doing the moves to the chicken dance -- yet…but she is climbing up a 4ft slide and sliding down...all by herself…and that to me is HUGE! a milestone…my Maddie is so independent…so confident…I am not sure why I question her…she always seems to show me...that she is a SuPErSTar!
Monday, May 2, 2011
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I am so, so with you on this. My little guy just turned 1, and he is way behind other little ones with DS that I know. Some days I am completely fine with knowing that he's going at his own pace, and other days I am definitely sad & jealous. But I'm glad that you're enjoying all that she IS doing!
ReplyDeleteI used to feel this way alot, now it is dimmer but I still get glimpses of it now and again - infact I felt that way ALL day yesterday. I am really proud of what Owen is doing, but I still feel somewhat robbed at times.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard...I get it. You want to count those blessings yet still those feelings of being jealous seem to stick their ugly head out, and at the same time, that saddness you try to suppress for those obvious delays you see in your child. I am two years ahead of you and still wrestle with those feelings. But, I will say, it becomes easier to deal with it as Kristen gets older for me. I still have those moments...those days...but the more that Kristen does makes thing easier. The more that she develops personality...likes...dislikes...I fall more and more in love. That is what heals the heart. Hang in there and know we moms are always here for you! And just so you know....I think your beautiful daughter is doing great.
ReplyDeleteYep, I do the same thing! Almost like saying it out loud makes it more real or she'll validate my concern so I say nope we're great! Sounds like Maddie's getting pretty brave...you may have a climber on your hands soon!
ReplyDeleteI think it is such a strange road when you have a special needs child. I swing between being so grateful for my daughter and feeling like we were made for each other and then sometimes just wondering why we have to go through all of this. Why it has to be so diffiuclt for her. It has gotten better with time, but it still comes up for me and my daughter is 9. Thank you so much for your honesty. I have been enjoying your site, thanks!
ReplyDeleteI haven't blogged in a while as I am sorting out my feelings right now. But I want to say that I feel similar to those early years when I was waiting on Gabe to reach certain milestones. It's hard to always be "adjusting" expectations and keeping those deep personal feelings in balance. Just wanted to say I relate well to this post. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI feel this way to sometimes. Thanks for always being so honest!
ReplyDeleteI definitely feel this way sometimes. When someone in Kaety's class hits a milestone "on time", I am sad she's not there...yet. And I totally get the jealousy. That's the perfect word for it, and boy do I hate having that emotion sometimes. I really love how honest you are. All that said, Maddie is a ROCK STAR...climbing a 4-foot slide?! OMG...that makes me nervous just thinking about it. GO MADDIE!!! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's always a push and pull. Sometimes I'm ok with everything and some days I'm not. I don't ever expect this to change but I'm ok with that too.
ReplyDeleteWay to go with the slide Maddie! I'm sure Claire is jealous. :) She loves to slide and she loves to do things all by herself. I love our independent girls!
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to say your worries and concerns out loud sometime. Sometimes it makes them seem more real...
I have such a hard time telling stuff to the caseworker or PT or OT or ST. I don't know why!
ReplyDeleteRight now I'm sad bc a little boy Eslea's age is waving and rolling over so well. I know it will come, but it's hard!
i think we all feel the same. -erin