looking...

next month we are going to the Down syndrome clinic in Denver...we are seeing many doctors and having a sleep study done...but I am going back and forth if we should...it seemed like a good idea...it seemed like the right thing to do...I want to make sure Maddie is good...I want to make sure she is hearing properly...I want to see where she is with speech and motor development...if she needs orthoidics...and if she has sleep apnea...in that couple of days she will see great doctors and therapists...that work with Down syndrome daily...but I do not want to search for something that is not wrong...but then I do not want to stand back and do nothing because I am scared of another diagnosis...I get so jittery on if we should or not...Chad is indifferent...I do not want to be that mom...the mom that has to go to doctors and be hyper vigilant about my child...I would not do this for Max because he is fine...with Maddie she gets a cold I call the doctor I ask him about everything vitamins, sleep, eating...with Max he gets a cold I tell him he is fine and to cover his mouth and wash his hands...I get that the start with Maddie was full of suprises and unknowns...and because of that I am head shy when it comes to more or different...we are going to Children's Hospital and we were at Prespertarian/St. Luke's Hospital for all her other surgeries...so change is scary and what ifs...when I made the appointments my reasoning I thought was sound...Maddie snores when she sleeps and is very tired...lets try to rule out sleep apnea considering she is on thyroid medications and she should have a tad more energy...her feet...they curve in and down...I put her in good solid shoes daily not cute ones like I would like so it helps keep her balance and her feet from falling or drooping...she does good with them...but I want to know if it truly is ok or if we need to do more...her hearing was good a couple of years ago...but I know things change with hearing and I want to rule out problems for speech...with all our speech therapists I would like to get them all to have a good starting point...I am not sure why I get scared...why I try to talk myself out of it....remembering it is about Maddie and not about my feelings is at times difficult...so we will spend some of our spring break in the hospital just like last year but hopefully a better outcome and not so dramatic...I want this to be a positive reassuring visit...I do not want to get my hopes up to high...it amazes me that people that work with families still refer to Down syndrome in slang terms...but then again it could be me being to sensitive...wow am i wishy washy