Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Learning to share...


In the store the other day a women said hi Maddie...Maddie said hi...I looked at the women with a hesitant smile and a questioning look...how do you know my daughter...that is the million dollar question...when we are in public people know her...I do not know them...I search something to tell me is it from school? And why cant they just say hi I am so and so's mom and Maddie and my kid are in the same class...but no...I usually ask but sometimes I don't...and then I wonder...wonder who Maddie will know that I don't...who Maddie will have contact with that I will never know...I am what you would call a over protective mother with both my children...but I am having (forced share) to let go...Maddie will be in this world with out me...with therapist and I will have no knowledge of who they meet...I am not all the way comfortable with this...but I have to share...when we found out that Maddie was going to be born with Down syndrome...one of the things I feared is her being with us forever...never growing up...always being with me...I feared this loss of my indepence of retirement I assumed I would have...so now Maddie is 3 and that fear of losing my independence of retirement is no longer there...I want Maddie to be with us always! and last night a friend said it perfect he never has to go through another snydrome "empty nest" snydrome...yes I found this funny...but I am so up and down...Maddie is being her new life...with out me! And this is now our new "normal"...Maddie will still go to school 4 days a week receive OT, PT, Speech...then she will receive Private OT water therapy, OT, and speech therapies...plus tumbling...this summer she will go to a "special" camp with licenced therapists and master level leadership...she is now our over scheduled child...its just not soccer and dance...it is life skills that she has to have...I cannot believe that it is happening ~my child truly is a community girl...she will now depend on the outside world for things I did not want in the beginning of this journey...and today I want to hold her tight and play...and thats what all of this will help us do...we will become the parents again...and the professionals will do what they were trained to do...it is hard to let go...it is hard to not control what is happening with her...it is hard to see that I cannot do it...my husband a great educator...I mean a presidential award winning teacher has said we need more...how can it be that a child I feared that would always be dependent on me...is no longer dependent...it is such a weird phenomenon...I am so excited for Maddie...I am excited to watch her blossom and grow...but with Max we as parents could take credit with some of his smarts and ability to learn and grow...with Maddie we cannot...it truly is an army of great people that will help her and has taught her tpmbe what ever it is she will be...I am in awe of what our state allows for my child...this task being her mother is one of great honor...and I now can see I am the lucky one...who knew! Thankful...

2 comments:

  1. That's really cool, actually! Samantha knows SO many people, and SO many people know her, and I'm clueless about most of them. Sometimes they know her from when she's out and about with Daddy, sometimes they're from school, sometimes from when she used to go to therapy, etc. It's quite funny, but I can then see, firsthand, the positive impact she makes on others. Just like Maddie. :-)

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  2. I remember being really sad at the thought of Russell living with us forever, and like you said, that loss of independence...But now I feel the complete opposite! Letting go is hard...Watching our kids grow and move on out into the world is bitter sweet. I hear ya on this post!

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