Friday, May 18, 2012

until...


What if “it” is not enough…”it” is therapy, play, interaction, tumbling, purposeful everything….what if I am so greedy with Maddie that she is not getting everything she could possibly need…what if I look back when she is 6 years old and know that I have not done enough to prepare her for school; for life…and now all my intuitions of pre birth Maddie were wrong and have failed me…all my assumptions were wrong…my Maddie will not be this way or that way…she will never be a “typical” Down syndrome person…somehow my Maddie will be different…she will go beyond expectations and prove all wrong on what we read or hear…and there in lies the problem…Maddie is not typical to common assumptions about Ds children…she is very good at everything she tries to do… Chad and I were told that more is better when it comes to Maddie…more repetitions with everything is just better…this is hard to understand when I have always been told to raise Maddie like I raised Max…so that is all good and very appropriate until it is not…and then more is expected…more is what Maddie will need…more of what you ask…more of everything…can you narrow it down…well I can…but it is so tedious so ridiculous that it is down right frustrating…again she will learn like Max until she does not…Maddie is set on the potty everyday to pee…and everyday she sits there…she smiles, she talks, she is just so proud of herself…then take her off the potty…pee on the floor…how many reps…more…tumbling class…it has taken her all year…every Thursday at 530 pm to get the moves that she has been taught this entire school year…and still she needs more…so when thinking about Maddie and therapy and school…I hated the thought even made myself sick over sending Maddie to school…then I agreed to 2 days per week…and then we are told she needs more…more days…more repetitions…I knew this going into being Maddie’s mom that she would need more…but I thought she would be different…I thought she would be like Max….but she is not…so Maddie is great until she is not…she needs more…until she does not…Maddie masters things in an awkward round about kind of way…Maddie walks…just not steady…Maddie dances….just not steady….Maddie runs….just not steady….Maddie talks…just not legible to all…Maddie can draw, paint, color…just not for a long duration of time…Maddie can drive a "play" car…just not safe…Maddie can climb…just not get climb down….Maddie can anticipate the next step…just not consistently….Maddie can do everything you can do…just until she does not…so with all the worries…with all the what if’s and mores…Maddie will attend school 4 days a week…and I will continue to think I can use mothers intuition to raise Maddie…until I cant…

6 comments:

  1. Oh, just you wait and see!!!! Maddie will THRIVE at the 4 days of school, the same way that she's thrived at home with you, but learning different things, like interaction with other children in a classroom setting, listening to a teacher (someone other than mommy), social skills, etc. And I think every one of us who has been there has had the same trepidation about sending our little children to school - Sammi was only 2 years and 3 months old when she started school 5 mornings a week. But, fighting the urge to pull her out when she cried for the first 2 days, we held on, and saw on the 3rd day that she didn't even turn to say goodbye to us when we dropped her off. She had settled into her new environment.

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  2. I was recently told that 'they' will want Sutter to go to school 5 days a week! Holy cow that's a lot for one little person who's never been to school or daycare so I know how you feel! I'm going to push for 3 and work our way up to 5 if I feel it's necessary! Sometimes having other people tell you what's best for YOUR child sucks! I hope Maddie has fun at school...which I'm sure she will! :)

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  3. It's hard. Maddie will be who Maddie is. That's one of the truly awesome things about DS children. There is no pretense there. You get what you see. She can't change, so if she needs more, she takes more. If she needs longer, she takes longer. It has to be hard for you to trust that others will give her the extra that you do. That others will strive to understand her the way you do. If I could hug you now, I would. Watch Maddie. If she gets stressed by more school, pull back. Give her the time she needs. If she does well, then be glad.

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  4. Yes, more and repetition. But, yes, you can still use your mom's intuition as well. In some ways the same as your other kid but others different. But, that every kid is different anyway, down syndrome or not. You are doing an amazing job, and Maddie will be the best she can be because of her family. There is no question about that...

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  5. I tried to comment last night but it wouldn't go through. This post really hits close to home for me...I have all kinds of thoughts swirling around about Russell and how he learns the same, but different...And I can do it all my way, until I can't...If that makes sense? Anyway, I always love reading your thoughts...I think Madds will do great in school a few times a week. If we lived closer to town I would consider taking Russell a couple times a week also...You're an awesome Mom Kim :)

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  6. Yep exactly ! Follow your heart Kim, until it's not working, I have come to the same conclusion which is why Owey is staying home with me, for now. Believe me I have had to think outside the square with some of oweys behaviours and each time I have had success (more or less), I am gaining confidence that I can parent him sucessfully

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