Tuesday, March 6, 2012

wonder ponder...

there are many times I let my mind wonder...and it scares me...other times it is surprisingly delicious and satisfying...in the mornings when Maddie wakes up she enters the day with a phone call...she places her hand over her ear and begins to talk and have a conversation with someone...there are ooohhh''s and lots of gibberish....when I get her she always pushes back to see my face and my smile...she says good and then hugs and kisses me...everyday it is the same...I look forward to it every morning...this morning she began playing with her dolls...she lined them up and read them a story...she tucked them in with a blanket...she hugged them and then I realized she did the same thing she does to me...she looked them in the eyes said good and hugged and kissed them...when Maddie was younger I always wondered if she would play the same with dolls as I did...and she does...it is a very comforting feeling and sense of "normalcy"...then my mind wondered to a commercial...a mother and a pregnant daughter...and then the sadness comes...this is a question that I have thought about a lot and I do not know a good or correct answer for us as a family...will Maddie want to have kids? and if so will we allow her...WOW...how do we make this decision...is it a decision that Maddie will make or is it a decision that we make...will she someday watch her child play or will I be raising that child...this is a very uncomfortable subject...one that I am asked not to discuss in "real life"...I am shut down by friends and doctors when I bring this up...I just want to be prepared...I want to understand Maddie...I encourage her to be anything...and she in turn emulates my every move...so why would wanting to be a mother be any different...

6 comments:

  1. Hard question to ask. And one you can in no way prepare for, since you don't know what will happen. Will she want to be a mom? Probably, since most (at least I think most) women at some point want that for themselves. There are so many variables that it seems impossible to be able to practically consider it, but one day maybe you'll get the chance.

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  2. This is my take on the matter, for whatever it is worth! :) In the past four and a half years, Kristen has done more than I ever thought imaginable at birth. Therefore, even though I know it seems like there is a slim chance according to the world of her being a mother, I will not let it worry me or close the door on it. Our PT a couple years ago told me she had another little girl in her care that had DS and her mother did too. Okay, that floored me since Kristen was only about six months and I was in a really rough spot. But, that shed light that nothing is impossible. Who really knows where the world will be when Kristen is of the age where children are a possibility? Who knows if she will find her Mr. right as well? Who are we to say no to her if she is able to make those decisions for herself? We will also be there to help her if it is not the right decision and she needs help making those choices. And, I am so okay with all of this. All of this to say you never know what the future holds...because in four short years I have already seen things I never thought were possible in the beginning of this journey. And, I also know when that time comes it will be okay no matter what may be. I love how thought provoking your posts are! Thanks!

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  3. That is a tough question. I can tell you when I was told Russell had Ds and they told me he would never have children I was devastated. But now as time goes on I realize that there is so, so much for Russell to do with his life. Many people choose not to have kids at all and their lives are just as meaningful and fulfilling. Russell whether he has children or not will have many people to love...But yes, I see your point, what if Maddie does want to have kids, then what? *sigh* I understand what you're saying...Like I said it is tough and I also see why you would want to be prepared for a question like that. Wish I had an answer for you.

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  4. I had some work to do today that had me driving around a lot. I actually thought about this exact thing, I don't know what made me think of it. I font know if you watch grays anatomy, there was an episode where a girl with ds got preg and her mom had the doctor do an abortion without telling the daughter. I'm pro life, but I think about not aborting but Fiona getting pregnant in general. I am a young mom and I am looking forward to being in my early 40s and having less kid responsibilities. But I'd fi has a baby, I would give up that freedom in an instant to help her be a mom. But I hope we don't have to deal with this. Our kids have a higher chance of not bring able to concieve, especially if their partner also has ds. We will deal with that bridge when it comes.

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  5. Wow, I really like you and your honesty in this post. I feel the same way about people shutting down when you try to discuss hard stuff. People avoid you at party's because you might ask them to 'think'. I love that you are thinking and preparing to embrace Maddie where ever she is as an adult.

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  6. Wow tough and I guess in all honesty I have never given it much thought! Like Jenny I was told from the beginning Sutter was sterile so I never gave him having kids a second thought. I do sometimes struggle with the idea of Landon choosing not to have kids and then Sutter "can't" so will I ever be a grandma...which I hope one day I will be but I guess there are no guarantees! All the "what ifs" they still drive me crazy sometimes!

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