Tuesday, October 4, 2011

all I got...


All I wanted was for Maddie to be “normal”…all I wanted was for Madie to fit in…all I wanted was Maddie to be the little girl I had expected…all I wanted was Maddie to have a bright future…all I wanted was for Maddie to be a clone of me but better…all I wanted was that pesky 3rd chromosome to go away…all I wanted was the test to come back negative…today…all I got was everything I ever wanted in a little girl…all I got was a little person that taught me person first…as I watch Maddie today it makes me more anxious and more sad…why...because she is bright…because she is smart…because she is clever…because she has feelings…and her feeling can get hurt….because she knows already that she is not as fast as the next guy…does that matter…no...but it does when you are a kid or that person…as I watch Maddie learn and grow from all her experiences throughout the day…I am reminded of how far we have to get…how for her things (milestones) just take longer…sweeter when the task is accomplished…but just more difficult…she never gives up…I will not give up on her…but as her mom…I get to have these feelings of scared, hurt, apprehension…because the world is cruel…and not fair…it took me having Maddie to put person first…not everyone will be lucky enough to have a person in there life like Maddie…who teaches patience, acceptance, true love, and best of all how to actively take part in the life that you are living…and stop wishing you are something you are not…

7 comments:

  1. Beautiful ! - viv

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  2. Beautiful post. I can't believe how you echo my feelings so often. Thanks so much. I feel like I've been completely out of it for a month and am just getting caught back up. This was the first post I've read in a month, my first "checkin" as it were...and definitely the BEST post on which I could have started. Hugs to you and Maddie! :)

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  3. You know my friend, when I was thinking of adopting, I was trying to decide if I wanted a DS child or not. I already knew the world of DS, having Jax. But I always wanted a little girl to teach my passion of dance to, to go shopping, and get ready for prom. It was in this world of blogging that I realized a DS girl could do all those things and more!

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  4. When they first told me Russell had Ds all I could think was he would never do "typical" little boy things...I thought the boy I had wanted and hoped for was gone...I was so wrong! Russell is every bit of the little boy I dreamed of. Loved this post Kim!

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  5. I laughed when you wrote "that pesky 3rd chromosome to go away" and "the test to come back negative." I remember thinking that too, but am now okay with it all. I am always wanting more too, still at times, but Kristen has taught me it is going to be fine... and it is okay to have those feelings too. That is how we grow, learn to love richer, and have a life that is more amazing than we could have ever imagined! I think all we both got are amazing little girls!

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  6. So many of us wish for the same things in the beginning and even fear the same things now. Will my little one get invited to birthday parties? Will she have friends?
    There is a little girl here at our school that is 16 and she is so friggin' happy. She has blonde hair and blue eyes and my heart warmed for her instantly. In case you're wondering...yes I'm stalkin' her! But she really is happy and involved in drama and taking computer classes. She gives me so much to look forward too for Eslea!!
    PS- You want to be a gues blogger on my site?

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