Thursday, August 23, 2012

What's u thinking...


No Maddie...No Maddie...Maddie does not stop...Maddie can't talk...Maddie is a baby...Maddie is sad...and she is...and she knows...and then she goes and plays by herself...and I am here...to watch, facilitate, teach other children to be nice and patient with my girl...she starts school Tuesday...I am not sure Maddie's day will be much different...her interactions with others kiddos being frustrated that either one can understand the other...this really bums me out...and back I want to go...into my reclusive hole...where we see no one and no one can see her...Maddie is very tendered hearted..if Chad even looks cross at her she cries...she gets upset that it is always a No Maddie...I try to model other methods of redirection with my daycare kiddos...but they are kids! They are expected to be selfish...sharing is a trait you learn...so is empathy...how do I explain that Maddie learns different then they do...Max is even seeing the delays and will tell the other kiddos...be nice; Maddie is my baby and she does not learn like you...she does not know better...this breaks my heart...she does know better...I think she does anyway...today we were reading a book and I was asking questions throughout the story one of the 2 year olds answered the question with great imagination and made me smile...and then I was sad...when will Maddie be able to answer my questions with her imagination...I know it is in there...she makes herself giggle with such a belly roar that what is happening in head must be great! I so want to know my Maddie more...I want to understand my Maddie more...this communication or lack of is the pits...I yearn for the day she can tell me in her own words about her dreams...I cannot wait for the day to hear her say mommy again...I have taken for granted the ease of Max and how he learns and communicates...I think school will be good for Maddie...but also think it will bring new frustrations...

7 comments:

  1. School will be *awesome* for Maddie. :-)

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  2. Sutter will be doing things some times and then he starts laughing and I too wonder what he just thought or what is playing in his mind...I HATE that he can't talk or tell me! I think Maddie is going to love school but the frustrations will be there...but she and you will conquer them together!!! :)

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  3. She will. at some point she will communicate. it will be late, but it won't be never. She communicates now with actions and they are very effective. She communicates with cries and with violence and it disconcerting...understandable. I wonder what it is like on her side. Does she feel frustrations that you can't begin to understand? That she can't express? My 4th cousin has a son who will never function on any level except the ability to sit up. It is a quirk that I recognize my cousin and friend. Wilson has a mitochrondrial disease that prevented his development. Still, Wilson drums out the rhythms of songs on his trey. He cries when the music stops. Sometimes I think that somewhere in this totally disabled body is a soul, a mind, a gift that wants to be set free. It Will be awesome to be in Heaven with Wilson and learn all the passions that went on in his soul that he can't tell us about now.

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  4. Maddie will talk...I promise. Truly, it really has been in the past year that Kristen has really exploded with this. I remember standing in her three year old classroom listening to all the kids talk and recall stories and there was nothing from my Kristen like that. There would be a poster on the wall of all the kids responses to a question...and there would be nothing by Kristen's name. I understand how you feel. There will be frustration but hold tight because I promise you one day it will be better with communication. Kristen's is improving all the time, and it is fun getting to know what really goes on in her mind. You will get there too...just as with everything...it takes time. Patience is so hard...just as when we wanted them walking...now it is time to let them work at their pace on talking. She will do great at school...I know it.

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  5. It's hard, that lack of communication. But she will learn. In her own time. School will help; there will be difficult times, but mostly, it will help.

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  6. Just want to send you a hug because I am feeling some of the very same things right now about Russell. I can't wait until he can communicate with me better too...It is so, so, so hard waiting for it. I'm glad we all have each other to help us through these things, as always I appreciate your honesty...Helps me know I am not alone!

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  7. The communication thing is so hard! While Claire does great with her signs and getting her point across, she will tell these elaborate stories, with crazy hand gestures, and it makes me sad because she has soooo much to say.

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