Maddie is a typical 4 year old...she is defiant, challenging, and has selective hearing...she also understands every spoken request that is presented to her...if she chooses to comply...well that is a different story...Maddie does what Max is doing...or the opposite of what I am wanting...I am a complete failure when it comes to societies "norm" of discipline and my kids...I really believe in letting them learn through trial and error...choices...options...opinions....this was a GREAT theory until it was not socially acceptable...Max was probably 5 years old when I realized I had help create a independent self starter that could crush our world...Max dominates our household...we are held hostage at his will...and then came Maddie...again the naive parent I am thought Maddie could not possibly be like Max...she will be compliant, happy to go along with our family just because...yeah not so much...Max and Maddie are only happy if they are dominating and monopolizing Chad and me...all eyes are on our children...watching them play, interact, fight, struggle...it is a wonderful place to live...not really...it is hard...it is all consuming...it is stressful... But maybe sum day worth it? Discipline is something I thought I mastered in college...And I did with other people's kids...redirection I am a certified pro...with my own...I am not...with other people's kids I am consistent and fair...with my own...not so much...if Maddie cries I cry and feel bad that I hurt her feelings...if Max cries I am mortified that I could not explain the issue with more patience...time outs do not work with Maddie at all...not even a little...the time out is for me...she just plays, sings or picks at the wall in front of her...with Max putting him in his room works...I have currency with Max I can take away his iPad...I can not let him have a play date...I can make him pay me a quarter for his fits...Maddie I have no currency...I will not take away her doll she sleeps with...that would be like me taking away Chad...with Maddie redirections works for the one second I am talking with her and she says Kaaaayyyy with a sign sorry...then she is back to koala hugging a child to the ground...The thing is Maddie knows...but impulsively she does not...she sees the item and goes head first for it...I like her tenacity...I like her willingness to fight...but I want the best of both worlds...I know that repetition is the only way Maddie will improve...I know that I have to redirect and then do it again another 589 times for it to maybe cross your fingers the "appropriate" behavior sticks...and then of course is the little self conscious voice in my head saying you better get this "right" or Maddie will never learn better...that she will be forever the naughty unruly kiddo with no discipline at home...in public I say over and over in my head fuck off...I don't care...it is my mantra to gawkers and on lookers that think that my kids are not up to societies high standards...maybe they are not but my kids will be able to say no thank you...they will be able to not care what others think...because I have let them think for themselves and be independent in there own views...so yes I have failed at societies socially acceptable behaviors and my children...but I have raised thinkers...only time will tell who was "right"...
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
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ReplyDeleteyou are right.
It's always hard when it comes to your own children. I do try to discipline my children but like most parents I am not always consistent. All three of my children are different when it comes to behavior. My daughter is a "pleaser" and she likes to be a good girl and get the praise. Lucas is very easy going but has selective hearing and even though he understands he will do what he wants regardless of things like safety. Malcolm is a handful, he is mischievous and demanding but time outs are working with him right now. I think he will be my hardest child. Like you said, only time will tell.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty tough on Owen, the constant repetition can really wear me out and it's when I slack on my consistency that things start getting wild around here, but consistency takes energy and that is why I always feel so dran exhausted.
ReplyDeleteI've had to try different things with each of my kids. With Russell its tough because like you said there is no "currency"..He doesn't get the punishment. So it's more repetition than anything. Just constantly reinforcing things. I expect him to behave well, I expect it from all my kids. I allow them to be strong and have their own ideas and opinions, but I also expect they be polite about it.
ReplyDeleteDiscipline...so tricky and so not fun. We just got back from vacation and I think if I said "Kristen stop that" or "Kristen just act right" one more time I was going to scream. Discipline, to me, is so individual so you cannot fail at society's views because who really sets them. Who is right? In my opinion, no one is. Even in my strictness and possibly different way than you, I still feel like I fail daily out there in the world. I still get the looks for what I do. So, no one can win really. That is why we just do what we think is best as their moms, and then stop caring what the world thinks, right? Easier said than done, I know! I personally think our kids were created perfectly for our families, and mom really does know best. If all our kids and our ways were the exact same, the "perfect" way, we would live in a cookie cutter world. That would be boring and one I would not want to see. The differences, in us, in our kids, in our ways we handle discipline, our lives, makes the world vibrant and interesting and just the way it should be. I think time will show you that you are raising your kids the "right" way because it is your way. You know them best. :)
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