Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Reality
When you find out that your child has a special need…it is interesting how you choose to deal with the diagnosis...many people turn to a higher power…people would say to us that we are special parents or she is a miracle…I am conflicted about all of this…I do believe in god and that we will go to a “special place”… my husband however…not so much...he is an atheist…maybe that is why he is dealing with this better then I am…he has nobody to blame…he just sees the science of the 47 chromosomes…me on the other hand is very confused and angry...the same way I was when my mother died…they say god only gives us what we can handle…so I hope I start handling this soon…I also want to be prepared for when Maddie asks why she was so blessed to be chromosomally enhanced…I have to have a good explanation…I am not thinking she will take a simple because god wanted you to be that way…that would not be a good enough answer for me…it is easy for us to rely heavily on an higher power…I have not once prayed about this...or asked god... why my little girl…one of my biggest pet peeves is people who say she is a miracle…no she is not a miracle… she is a strong little girl…with a great surgeon that fixed her…and I did a great job carrying her to term…and if we are such special parents…I feel bad for other parents that are never going to be as special as me…I think people say things to make themselves feel better…because I have never walked away from a comment putting this in gods court…to this ever being ok for me…my little girl is going to have to live with 47 chromosomes daily…even I can take a break from Down Syndrome…my little girl cannot…and I think that sucks…I wish I could take that extra chromosome for her…it is not just the social stuff…it is the life of medical issues that comes with Down Syndrome…it is the learning delays she has to endure… that she know she has….I just GET to hold her hand…
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You are becoming so amazing at expressing things through your writing. Did you ever picture yourself as a writer? I am always amazed at where I am now - compared to where I pictured myself... Anyway, I appreciate you sharing everything. And I appreciate knowing you.
ReplyDeleteNature made her the way she is, God will bless her for it, and you will accept and love her as she is. She will grow up to love herself and hopefully accept herself as she is.
ReplyDeleteThe platitudes get old fast, I know. But the truth is that you are strong and loving (which might make you "special"), and that is all this baby needs. Eventually you will move through the rough spots, hers and yours.
I can totally identify with your comments. My daughter is 3 months old (t21) and I can see there are going to be some tough times ahead. But I agree with ds.mama. It happened because things happen. God can make something great come out of, what can seem like, disaster IF you allow him. I think acceptance is a process isn't it?
ReplyDeleteI find having a faith in God allows me to see my daughter, not as a mistake, but a person with immeasurable worth.