Not just a walk!

Today is the Buddy walk...I am feeling guilty I am not there...but I am scared to death to attend...the Buddy walk helps support the Down Syndrome of Wyoming...There will be people with Down Syndrome there...I know this sounds crazy but I get sick to my stomach when I think about it...the other day I was in Target and I notice a boy with Down Syndrome he must have been about 20 years old at least...he was holding his Moms hand and for a moment I thought this could be sweet..then I heard her say "do not go to far..let me see you" This threw me over the edge...again...I am not sure I am ready for this...at the walk today there will be ages of Down Syndrome that I am not comfortable with..I love Maddox as a baby...even a toddler...I am not sure I can handle the teenage and adult years...I hate when people say she is such a cute baby...or she is so sweet and small...she looks like a doll...I ALWAYS think yes but...she will grow up and the cuteness will fade away...I am sure she will be just as sweet..my reality is that she may live with me forever...and it may be ok...but right now it is not what I signed up for...I try not to think about it to much..but it creeps into my head...frequently..it is what kept me up at 4 am this morning..knowing I should go support my new life...and instead I have hidden...hoping no one will notice...Chad does not think we should do the walk because this our child not a cause...me I am just scared...maybe next year...

Max is still not seeing the point of school or potty training...this whole week we have been at the park when the preschoolers come out for recess...he asks why they are there and has even met a little friend..that he loves already and SHE gave him a gift...a piece of tree bark that he also loves and thinks is a sword, a plane and northern pike fish...he is on the eccentric side...as for potty training he peed on a bike this week and got a timeout...and thinks it is great to pee at the park on the basketball hoop...I think I am losing this battle...FAST!