time heals all...

It seems that I cannot live without Down syndrome...I am not sure I want to live without it either...which is stunning and quite confusing...in the beginning of this what feels like a forever journey...I loathed Down syndrome...I did not like anything about it...somehow beauty has become synonymous with Down syndrome and my perception of it...a sense of "normal" comes with Down syndrome...it startled me today when I was thinking if I would have Maddie all over again...if I would choose to do things the same exact way...and the answer surprised me...I would...I would take Maddie just the way she is again...I may take away the health issues...but I would not take away what makes Maddie -Maddie...my life is now consumed with Maddie and Maddie's routine...I cannot fathom my life with out the extra chromosome and what comes with that little bit of extra goodness...I was asked the other day if I would have another child if I knew for sure it would be born with Down syndrome...I could not answer that question out loud...because that answer would be no...not because I am scared of it...not because I am selfish and would not want another child born with all the extra's that comes with Down syndrome...but I think no because I would rather adopt a child born with Down syndrome then create another...when there are so many children looking for forever families...in the beginning I thought I was being punished and asked why me...why did I have to have a human born with Down syndrome...never once thinking about Maddie and her feelings it was all about me...now I see life through her eyes and for some reason it does not seem so hard...it seems effortless to love, to learn, to grow...I guess time does heal...