just a little thing...

trust...I am not sure when I lost trust in others and the world around me...but I have lost it...this does not mean I am not happy...it does not mean that I am thinking negative...it is just what it is...I no longer think things happen because that is the way it is suppose to be...I no longer trust that people are good and that they want the best for Maddie...and I certainly do not trust that in the end everything works out...I have just learned to adjust...the other day someone said to me...that "Maddie seems to understand what I say"...I thought what a dip! if this is how people think of people born with Ds how would I trust the world to respect my child...Maddie is a fully capable human...she has a uniquely wonderful look about her that gives the impression to question her existence for some ignorant soles...I often assume people are nice to us because Maddie was born with Down syndrome...I know she is cute but the reaction and attention from others is sometimes overwhelming...she is like a rock star when she walks into anywhere...girls follow her and hug her and adults just smile...this however I secretly love and hope it last forever and a day! I do not trust someone will stop Maddie from being abused by another human...after the Penn State debacle...it seems like it may be to big of a task for some to speak up for others...however the trust I am struggling at the moment with is me not trusting Maddie...I am constantly hovering...constantly looking for choking hazards...and she is not happy about it...yesterday she yelled at me because I would not give her a rice krispie treat...I gave it to her as if to show her how she could not eat it...and I even said "here we go to Denver"...and she ate it no problem...teeth help...since then she has made it known what she can eat...in two days this is all the new things she has loved to try...taco, pickle, nutri grain bar, french fry, chicken nugget and a sucker...slowly I will have to trust Maddie...she is worth it and it really is not fair to her that her mom is so scared of her death I have put her in a safe choke free padded wall environment...and it is not doing her any good...I suppose I could take this as a learning opportunity...learn how to trust Maddie and maybe learn how to trust the world...