true emotion

To say that milestones are a big deal in our world…would be a lie…they are a HUGE deal…like the biggest thing since having Maddie…I am not sure why…but I love them…I love to see her accomplishment on her face and in her swagger…Maddie is full of firsts…she is almost exploding with new things daily…just this week…she began standing up in her crib, pretending to blow her nose, laying on the floor yelling at the DVR to play Baby Einstein-Old McDonald…and today she ate a cut up banana…these are HUGE deals in our world…we take nothing for granted…we never short change anything about Maddie…when she took her first steps…I cried, I sobbed…I have never felt more joy…I was overwhelmed immediately...it is hard to explain…with Max I assumed he would walk…but with Maddie in the back of my head there is doubt…of what she will and will not do …in the beginning it was like Maddie was not real…she was just there…I loved her…but interaction with her felt strained and mechanical…I did not feel I had a typical “normal” connection between me and her….now I have never felt a deeper connection with another person….she is truly the daughter I have always wanted…it helps she is full of herself…cute…funny....and naughty...she is all up in our grills…demanding center stage…when she pulls me close for a hug and kiss…I swell with love…a love that is so raw and strong…it seems when it comes to Maddie…she brings the most primal emotion out in me…she has made me more scared then I ever thought I could be…more strong then I ever thought I could be….and more at peace then I ever thought I could be…yeah to being Maddie’s mom….