Easy going FREAK!

These days I freak out…I am a high strung person to begin with…but anything can send me over the edge…I remember having to get a glucose test to see if I was diabetic…a routine test…sent me into a panic…I kept putting it off…and not being able to sleep…I am never sure how my freak outs will manifest…after I got so many diagnosis and unknowns…I dreaded anything that I did not plan for…you would think I would be able to just go with the flow…I keep trying to talk myself in to going with the flow…you know being easy going…but it has not worked yet…this week we were going to be pro active and get the flu shot…so we got it…Chad trying to settle me…told me that it only takes 24 hrs to become effective…but then I found out it taken 7 to 10 days to take effect…GREAT!! then of course one of the kids I take care of came down with the flu…probably the swine flu --H1N1…I FREAKED!! I frantically cleaned everything twice…and recalled every step that little person took…I cannot get that voice out of my head…that this is going to be bad for Maddox…what will I do with Max if Maddie gets sick and will we have to go to Denver…there is no way that Chad can miss anymore school…you would think we would be able to treat Maddox here in our home town…but they do not have a NICU…they do not have specialist to treat her…I will not even let them draw her blood…in fear they will blow her small veins…running through my mind…at 3 am is everything I need to grab before we go to the ER…Maddies heart specialists and surgeon cards…her discharge papers with her diagnosis’s…so if the doctor we see has a god complex we can bring them down to reality…should I drive to Denver to the ER or just down the street…sometimes I think we need to relocate to Denver…where Maddox can have the best doctors…and the chance to meet and play with other Down Syndrome children…I know that is dramatic…but with Maddie everything seems to be unknown and dramatic…what I thought was a healthy baby became…a baby with Down Syndrome...heart defect…TEF/EA….and brown hair…random I know…but I always thought my daughter would be a blondie…but for today she has a stuffy nose but no fever…please please no flu…no freakin flu…

It is snowing here! Maximus thinks it is Christmas time….and is enjoying making yellow snow! Maddox is loving raspberries and sticking her tongue out and spitting…maybe I should worry less and enjoy this time more…but that would be easy going!